An eerie sounds rolls through the cold, dark house…

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Mornin’ all.

If you were sitting in my house right now, you’d be breaking out the ghost hunting supplies. There are spooky, eerie moans coming from the other room. It sounds like a tortured soul trying desperately to make contact with anyone who can right the injustices of his former life so he can finally traverse the mist and enter the white light.

Oooooh. Scary.

In actuality, it’s simply one of the teens. He sleep groans. It’s kinda like talking in his sleep, only far more hilarious. At times like this, he sounds like a ghost. Think hokey sheet with two eyes cut out and banal level prankster underneath waving his arms and saying “wooo-oooo-oooo”. It’s exactly like that. At other times, he sounds like a chain saw in the distance. He’ll start really low, then go up in pitch, then back down.

See? Comedy gold.

His teen roomie doesn’t find it so funny. But that one snores, so I don’t really think he’s got a leg to stand on.

Say, remember when I went to the uppity dump the other day? Well, I went again yesterday.

“Hoping to hear more about Hillary, Bethie?”

Nope. I’m excavating a closet I haven’t touched in probably six, maybe even seven years, and who knows how long it’s been since I’ve been all the way to the floor? We’re talking cretaceous period, folks. I’ll let you know if I find fossils.

ANYWAY, I went back to the transfer station with a load of cardboard for recycling. I dumped it in the container, then broke down the box I carried it all in to add to the recycling bin. A snotty ass woman comes up to me and said, “It was good of you to break down the box first and be considerate of others. Good for you.”

Let me paint the picture. She had a stack of six tupperware totes by her car. Each tote was labeled. Each label was written in loopy cursive. The labels were laminated.

The woman herself was probably around my age. She wore a pink vest even though it was only 30 degrees. She had fingerless gloves on. She wore a sweatband as an ear warmer. Clearly this is a woman who has completion issues.

Before she approached me, she was sorting her recycling, which was silly, since it was already sorted and cursively-labeled. Trust me. Anyone who takes the time to loop and twirl the esses in “glass” has then filled said container with the intended material. So what she was actually doing was making a show of looking like she was sorting her recycling.

“Look at me!” she all but screamed. “I care so much about the environment that I refuse to waste material on silly things like fingertips on my gloves or sleeves! And I don’t just recycle…I DOUBLE recycle!”

You know the type.

And then to turn around and be condescending to me? Gah. What a self-righteous *grumble**mutter*… People like that really piss me off. I get it, lady. You’re recycling. Good for you. Want a fucking medal or something?

No, wait. She doesn’t get the medal. I get the medal in that scenario because unlike her, I brought my recycling to the dump in a recyclable container.

“OOOOOOHHHH!!!”

WUT. *drops the mic*

…*pics mic back up, brushes it off*

Seriously. What a douche.

I was also bemoaning the lack of interesting/joke-worthy headlines when we last spoke. Apparently the internet heard me and responded loud and clear. Or maybe it was just the full moon. Whatever caused it, I’m happy to say….

Strike up the band!

*catchy theme music playing in a minor chord to indicate that it’s almost Halloween*

Oooh! Nice twist! Okay, cue the go-go dancers!

*ladies come out zombie-style, lurching across the stage to the eerie beat*

I am LOVING this! Can we do it every day? …no? Okay, well, then, let’s enjoy it while it lasts, because it’s time for a….

*** HEADLINE ROUNDUP !!! ***

*spooky unresolved chord at the end* *zombies all moan “Brains”*

Bravo! Brava! Brav…whatever you say for a zombie! Everyone give that five-star performance a round of applause!

Yes, it’s time for a Roundup. For those who might not know, a Headline Roundup is exactly that. I scour the internet for news headlines that strike my fancy and round them up. Maybe they’re poorly written. Maybe they’re confusing or misleading. Or maybe the editor did the best with a bizarre situation and they leave you with a vague sense of “WTF?” They’re treasures, every one. And like always, they are 100% real. I just supply the wise-assery after. Those are the rules. Step on up and let’s play!

– Victim of UConn Mac and Cheese Tirade Says He Does Not Accept Apology

In fairness, do you know how cutting mac and cheese can be? Some side dishes take it way too far.

– Massachusetts Witch Takes Warlock to Court Over Harassment Charges

Now that’s a sign of progress. Wasn’t that long ago witches weren’t that keen on stepping foot in a courthouse.

– Possible Carcinogen Seeps into Well from Animal Burial Ground

“…homeowners were told immediately to stop drinking the water.” THEY WERE DRINKING THE WATER!!!! ZOMG

– Celebrity Fears, Phobias Revealed

Because the one thing modern celebs absolutely needed was another way for people to torture them over the internet.

– Owner Hears ‘Kaboom’, Finds Car on Roof of Michigan Home

Pea shooter –> potato gun –> punkin’ chunker –> automobile cannon… What did you expect? It’s basic evolution, folks.

– How to Survive Daylight Savings Time and Shorter Days

Finally, a way not to die every single year.

– What Your Least Favorite Chore Says About You

It says doing chores sucks. Does this really need to be an article?

– Environmentalists Warn Snow Leopard Could ‘Vanish’

They’ll melt from the global warming.

– Trump Begs Iowa Voters For Support

And so the desperation phase of the election cycle begins…

– Homeowners Faced with Big Bills to Fix Dams Deemed Unsafe

That’s what happens when you try and upstage the Joneses. Trust me, stick with a moat. Way less upkeep.

– Deer Looking for Love Collide with Cars Instead

Dammit Michigan! Stop firing the auto cannon at the stag clubs right now!

– Prep School Kid and Sis Robbed Drug Dealers

Moral…compass…going…haywire…

– Black Market Butt Fillers Ruined Her Life

…gonna be honest. Once again, I’m having a hard time deciding whether or not to feel bad for anyone in this scenario. You’re confusing me today, MSN.

– Tractor Beam Uses Holograms Made of Sound to Move Objects

YASSSSSSS.

– Rare, Earth-Bound Space Junk Offers Rare Opportunity for Scientists

Oh sure. It’s a “rare opportunity” when THEY go through a pile of junk, but it’s “hoarding” when I do it. Pfft. Double standard much?

– A Scientist Built an AI Computer to Figure Out How to Take Better Selfies

FIRED. You are now officially FIRED FROM SCIENCE. Please pack your bags and head to the bubble gum pop section of humanity immediately.

– Dog Named Trigger Shoots Owner

A woman walks into the bar. She slaps her hand on the counter and says, “I’m lookin’ for the paw that shot my man.”

– Annoying Teddy Bear Sings Until You Destroy It

Heh heh heh. It honestly does. It sings a high pitched, awful version of the birthday song until you actually physically break it. Where can I buy one?

– Singing Teddy Bear Draws Ire, Outrage

The gist is that people believe that creating a bear that must be destroyed is going to turn kids into serial killers. Damn. Looks like they might not be on store shelves anytime soon. Bummer. I had such plans…

– See How This Pricey Cracker Survived The Titanic

My guess is that it was savvy enough to get to the head of the line at the life boats promptly to secure a seat.

– See How This Pricey Cracker Survived The Titanic

…ya know, reading the headline again, unless you saw the photo of an actual saltine-like cracker, one might easily take this as a really cutting jab against all the wealthy folks who were given priority on the life boats over the rest of the passengers…

– Chewbacca Arrested for Driving Darth Vader to the Polls

CHEWIE NOOOO!!!! How could you switch sides?

– Missing Cat Found With Wine Hangover

…how do they know it was wine?

– Russian Police Find Half a Ton of Caviar in Speeding Hearse

Of course they did.

– Student Scores in Reading, Math Drop

Your common core, not hard at work.

– Two People Dead After Explosion At Oregon Gun Range

People died at a gun range? What is this world coming to.

– We Can’t Eat Our Way Out of the Invasive Species Crisis

Duly noted.

– Ford Responds to Trump: ‘Facts Are Stubborn Things’

Oh snap. Need a little aloe for that burn, Trump?

– Ex-cop Gets Year in Jail for Asking to Lick Woman’s Feet

Texas, not Florida. Yeah, I know. I was surprised, too.

– Idaho Agency Finds Historic Footage of Parachuting Beavers

I KNEW IT. They tried to cover it up, but I friggin’ knew it! You watch. Area 51 footage is next. #thanksSnowden

– Feds: Company Put Cheddar, Swiss in “Real” Parmesan, Romano

Holy shit. No wonder the mac ‘n cheese was so testy. I guess we learned a valuable lesson here. There’s always another side to the story.

Thus concludes a Roundup for Wednesday, October 28, 2015. Costume making today. I’ve only got one to make this year, and he wants to be the Grim Reaper. You know, keep it light and happy this Halloween. I’ve got an old rusty sickle I think I can turn into a kickass scythe, but I’m on the fence about coating it in fake blood or glowing paint to make it eerie…hm…

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Do you think the junkyard will let me play Taps when they crush it?

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1 Effective Way to Say Hello

Mornin’ all.

I was just trying to look through the news, and it hit me that even mainstream, “serious” news sites are now clickbaiting with numbers.

10 Times the IS was More Terrifying Than Hitler

14 Ways Hillary’s Policy Changes Could Affect Everyday Life

5 Reasons You Need to Pay Attention to the Refugee Crisis

Gah. Is this really what we’re becoming?

…and is it a bad thing?

3 Important Points to Ponder While You Drink Your Coffee

1) Humans are lazy. We are extraordinarily lazy. In the animal world, we take the cake. It’s this laziness that makes us evolve. There is a constant push, our only true innate drive, to be creative and think outside the box for the sole purpose of coming up with new solutions to get our asses out of as much work as possible.

The sharpened stick was invented because killing dinner with a dull thud of an unsharpened stick was slower than killing it with a pointy stabby stab.

The wheel was invented because Caveman Ugh was sick of busting his caveballs trying to tug and pull and lug that stabbed dinner back to the cave.

Horses were tamed to do all sorts of neat things that allowed our ancestors to sit back and let someone else do the work.

…and on and on and on. Every invention we’ve come up with has been designed with one purpose: Make life for humanity easier.

Is it any wonder, then, that the news would eventually be presented in bullet point format? It’s quick, it’s efficient, and it speaks to the deep laziness in all of us.

2) News sites are lazy. Dude, it is SO much easier to make a list than it is to sit down and write a coherent article. Plus, in a bullet point style presentation, things like grammar and syntax are apparently unnecessary.

3) Reading a condensed list makes you feel smarter faster. I don’t know if the PuffHo really put much thought into this trend it widely started. I’m sure bullet pointing the news started out as a way to save space and time. I highly doubt they ever really put much thought into the psychology. However, they stumbled on a real way to make people feel more confident and sure of not only the facts of a situation, but their overall retention of knowledge afterwards.

It’s an unintentionally brilliant way to make people keep going back to their website, I’ll give them that. I’d much rather keep reading news on a site that makes me walk away feeling like I learned something, even if I didn’t really learn a damned thing.

Which leads me to…

3 Ways Bullet Point Reporting is Ruining the News

1) Bullet point news would work well if the information presented was accurate…

2)…and well written. There is no need to forgo grammar, spelling, and proper framing of a coherent thought simply because there is a number in front of the sentence. Gah. This is dumbing us down. This aspect of this style of clickbait reporting is making the average person feel smarter by making them dumber. And it’s all because…

3) HUMANS ARE LAZY. Modern reporters are lazy. Modern editors are lazy. And all this laziness sucks because people have been programmed by clickbait “journalism” to expect yet another fun filled list of anti-facts NOW NOW NOW. It’s too much work to be fast, efficient, AND accurate. Jeez. What do you want from reporters? It’s almost as if you expect accurate, reliable, dependable summations of important events that could have an impact on the world around you. Pipe dream much?

I think it’s going to stay around for awhile, so I suppose we best get used to it. Life swings on a pendulum, though. There will come a time in the not-so-distant-future when post modern hipsters will find the old style of reporting the news through well-researched, carefully crafted essays just the bees knees. It’s a cycle. We just have to wait until the pendulum swings the other way.

Until then, I suppose we must embrace it. Here goes.

1 Thing That Epically Sucked in the House of Bethie This Week

Muh car died.

The first one that I really lead the resurrection team to bring back to life. *sniff*

Here’s the sad tale of woe. The Mr. took Soppy to work.

(Er, that was the car. We named her the Sopwith Llama. A Sopwith Camel was an old timey fighter plane before new fangled fighter jets flew onto the scene. But, the kids like llamas, soooo…)

He called me from his business of employ to tell me that “Sop’s acting weird.” We hoped it was a momentary lapse in functionality, or that she was just feeling annoyed.

“Uh, Bethie. I hate to interrupt…”

Liar.

“…but, it’s just a car. It can’t feel anything.”

Yes. Yes it can. And anyone out there who doesn’t think that cars have moods, including temper tantrums and hissy fits, simply hasn’t been paying attention to their car. Shame on you. Go out and sit in your car and apologize for ignoring it all this time before it proves me right. It helps if you rub the dashboard, but don’t take it too far. Don’t make it weird, bro.

Anyway, my guy came home late. That was probably the only reason he made it home at all. There was a distinct lack of traffic and, for the most part, he had one clear last run with Soppy. Before he left work, he checked the fluids and the oil. Everything looked good under the hood. Proper fluid and oil levels. So he wished on a star and headed home.

He got within a couple miles of our house and “running rough” turned into her dumping all her coolant into the oil and seizing just as she pulled into our drive.

As far as close calls go, it doesn’t get any closer than that.

Soppy didn’t go quietly. The tail lights were upgraded LEDs that were insanely bright, a modification we did because it was a black car that was driven largely at night, and the Mr. was sick of drunk rednecks riding his bumper. She also began to belch huge plumes of thick, white smoke of doom. The bright taillights caught in the billowing clouds like Soppy was spewing forth the fires of hell itself. The Mr. told me that when he looked in his rear view, all he could see was a fiery wall of clouds.

Man I wish I was there to see it!

What we had was catastrophic parts failure. The head gasket went all at once. At that point, there was no saving her.

Oh, I know we could have (and still technically could) take her to a shop and have them completely go through it cleaning out the cappuccino colored oil/coolant from the engine block, retool the head, and replace all the gaskets. Or, we could buy a crate engine to drop in. However, it’s not worth it. I love that car, but there comes a point when the cost exceeds the value.

She’s done for. And today I must strip the parts to sell. I must rob the grave of my beloved beastie. As difficult as it is, I know it’s for the best. Through organ donation, Soppy can live on.

*hats off in a moment of silence for the brave and noble sacrifice of my Sopwith Llama*

*clears throat* *wipes tear*

Yes. Well. Moving on.

We picked up a cheapie from craigslist yesterday. Boy, I don’t know what folks did before craigslist when their cars shit the bed. The Mr. got his automotive shake-up at about ten on Thursday night. By eight Friday morning, I had already made arrangements to go see a $500 hoopdie that’ll get us through until we can really find a good replacement.

It’s a VW wagon. It needs stuff. It comes with most of the stuff it needs. The guy selling it was in the middle of repairs when a buddy offered him a Jeep that he really wanted. Nice guy…he threw in all the parts, including a new hood, for free. The engine has high miles but sounds so quiet that my guy kept thinking he stalled it…always a good sign.

Today, my tinkering cohort (our youngest) is going to help me strip parts from Sop, then pep a few things up on the newbie. I think the hubby is leaning toward the name Hobbes for the VW. Why Hobbes? We had a $400 Neon once that lasted us THREE YEARS that we named Calvin, and after the 45 minute drive home yesterday, he got out and said, “Boy does that remind me of Calvin!”

Of course, you can’t call two cars the same thing. And if you do “the second” or “junior”, the auto is instantly insulted. Rightfully so!

The only thing that’s giving him pause about the new moniker is that he feels the VW is female. I asked him why he must saddle the name “Hobbes” with gender constraints. He gave me a *blink**blink*. Heh. I love it when he has no response.

Sop gets dissected today, and Maybe-Hobbes gets spruced up. It seems a bit sadistic to fancify Hobbes next to Soppy’s corpse, but really, what can I do? I have to get one ready for the scrapper and one ready for the road.

It’s the circle of life, friends.

Hukuna machina.

Thus concludes the Musing for Saturday, October 17, 2015. Holy shit. I babbled so much about other things that I never actually got to talk about what I started writing to talk about in the first place. Damn bullet pointing getting me off track. Eh, it’s probably for the best. It was a fairly controversial point of view that would most definitely NOT win me friends or influence people. It would have been fun, though. Hm. Guess I’ll save it for another day…

A tumbleweed just rolled on by. That can only mean one thing ’round here…

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Mornin’ all.

My ninja cat almost took me out this morning. I was halfway down the stairs when she materialized out of nowhere and decided it was time to finish her training and ascend to the level of jonin. Apparently that meant winding her way through my legs while I was mid-step. She’s sitting tall and proud, a noble representative of her people. I have clean shorts on now, but my heart is still racing.

Damn cat.

I’ll just drink some more of this tar. I mean coffee. That’ll calm me down. *sssssip* *choke* *sizzle* *moan* Can’t…feel…my…tongue.

Good batch!

I was looking at the news this morning and a few headlines just popped out at me. I’m not even going to ramble for awhile. I did a bunch of rambling yesterday (NEW HORIZONS WOOT!!!!) and I really just want to get in to some silly fun. What better way to shake off the terror of ninja Kitty’s training and early morning coffee than to…

You know what? I was going to cue the go-go dancers, but I think we’re going to keep up with the “something a little different” theme today is shaping up to have. Strike up the band, put your coffee down and join the girls on the stage. Audience participation day!

“Oh, no, Bethie.”

Come on. Do it!

“Really, I couldn’t…”

Aw now, it’ll be fun! You’ll see. Cut loose for once.

“Welllll…. *whips off robe to uncover dancing costume*”

There ya go! Now, it’s time for a….

*** HEADLINE ROUNDUP ***

Wow. I had no idea you could moonwalk. Look at those gams! Did you borrow the pasties from one of the girls, or….you know what? Forget I asked. To each their own, right?

For those who aren’t familiar with the Roundup, every so often I read a headline or two that strikes my fancy. Perhaps it’s poorly worded, or contains unforgivable grammar mistakes. Sometimes they’re misleading. And sometimes they just take my weird mind down an unintended path. I’ll gather these headlines up and present them to you in one easy to digest article…with jokes. As always, these headlines appear as written on real news sites, and are 100% legitimate. I just supply the 99.44% all natural commentary. Shall we begin?

– Cruz Calls for ‘Immediate Investigation’ Into Planned Parenthood

Why is this muppet still around? Go buy some more of your own books, Ted.

– Your Data is Compromised. (Yes, Yours.) What Now?

*blink**blink* Well that escalated quickly.

– When the End of Human Civilization is Your Day Job

Eh, somebody’s gotta do it.

– China is Using Televised Confessions to Shame Detained Lawyers, Journalists and Activists

Ooooh, so close, China. You did a good job with the lawyers, but that’s where you should have drawn the line. People don’t want to see journalists and activists publicly shamed. You have to shame them in private. Nice attempt to fit in with the rest of the “civilized” world, B-.

– Harvard Researchers Have the Answers to Raising Good Kids

And for the low, low price of $19.99, you, too, can join the millions of people who have taken the Home with Harvard online seminar. But wait, there’s more! If you act now…

– French Company Designs Face-to-face Airplane Seating

Because it’s not really des vacances until you can smell the fetid fromage wafting from your cell mate’s…er…I mean, SEAT mate’s drooling maw.

– Worst Dark Chocolates for Weight Loss

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say “any.” Any dark chocolates are probably bad for weight loss.

– NASA Returns Sesame Street Goodies from Space

Good. You shouldn’t have taken them in the first place, NASA! Now say you’re sorry, then go to your room and think about what you’ve done.

– Michelle Obama Reveals her Dance Inspiration on SYTYCD

…Sittisid? What the fuck is sittisid? Is that like, one of those EDM drugs?? Why is our First Lady on it?? Do you think we should start a campaign to make people aware and help her get off the stuff? You can do it, Mrs. Obama! Reach deep inside and find the clean and healthy you!!! #FreeMichelle

– Craft Sends Signal From Near Pluto

WHAT!?! A mysterious craft sends us a message!?! HOLY SHIT…ALIENS!!!!!???? I better click on this article RIGHT NOW and…

…*grumble* Never mind. Damn your click bait, Vox.

– Don’t Microwave Those Leftovers; it Could Lead to Diabetes

…especially if you’re microwaving chocolate cake. That’ll ‘prolly not be the best for ya…

– Find Out Who Justin Bieber Has a ‘Big Crush’ On

No.

– Trout Leads Off with Homer

How in the hell does a fish swing a bat? Mind. Blown.

– All-Star Game Hats are Terrible, Worthy of Scorn

And so I say to you, shun them. Turn your backs and shun the head coverings of Satan, for they are wicked and deserving of your contempt.

– Trump Campaign Mistakenly Tweets Star-Spangled Nazis

What’s the term for a Freudian slip that’s made over texts? #FreudianBlip

– LGBT Immigrants Taking A More Forceful Stand as Reform Efforts Languish

LGBT? Check. Immigration law? Check. Protests? Check. Controversial flags? … … no controversial flags? Damn. I was one away from “Hot Button Bingo”.

– PETA Says Sea World Employee Masqueraded as Animal Activist

Well, well, well. The tables have turned.

*author’s note: I’m not supporting Sea World. I support the conservation work they do, and the care and rehabilitation they offer injured animals, but I cannot support them as an organization until they stop taking large, healthy animals from the wild and sticking them inside tiny fish bowls. However, I hate PETA, and I think it’s comically idiotic that they’re getting pissed about the switcheroo now that it’s going the other direction. In a nutshell, suck it up PETA and take it like a man-imal.*

– The Name Atticus Acquires an Unwelcome Association

As if we really need another reason not to name our kid “Atticus”.

– Presidential Election Already Fueled By $377 Million

And that’s why we citizens can’t have nice things.

– Inside the Florida Town that’s Known as the ‘Psychic Capitol of the World’

I think you spelled “psychotic” wrong…

– Mo. County to Rescind Plan to ‘Mourn’ Gay Marriage Ruling

SMH…I mean…*sigh*…good for them? I guess? Give them a cookie for doing what they were supposed to do in the first place? Or, not doing what they…you know what I mean. Oh, Mo.

– Agency Faulted for Inaction After California Oil Spill

In all fairness, betting on which seagull bobbing in the water was going to get covered in oil first was, technically, action…

– Apple Watch: Not Dead Yet

Keep telling yourself that, Apple.

– Fla. Man Struck By Wife in Fight Over Confederate Flag: Cops

With all the psychic activity in Florida, I’m surprised he didn’t see that coming.

– What the Iran Nuclear Deal Means for Pistachio Lovers

Ok. I understand that when news breaks every news outlet scrambles for a different take on the story. But…pistachios? Really? That’s your “A” game, IBT?

– Why You Can’t Eat Just One Fry (Or Donut or Pizza Slice)

Because they’re fucking delicious. No need to complicate it with science, Quartz.

– Threats Force Satan Statue Unveiling to Secret Detroit Venue

Aw, lookit the controversial artist trying to be all big and tough and relevant. Soooo close, too. Next time, don’t wimp out at the showing.

– Chinese Company Worships Steve Jobs with Golden Bust

No golden idol worshiping, China. Bad China. Bad.

– Biofuel Made from Beer is Now Powering Cars in New Zealand

If a self-driving car is powered by beer, can it get pulled over for DUI??

– New CEO: Some People on Reddit ‘Shouldn’t Be Here At All’

Welcome to the internet, man.

– Door-Knocking Iowa Homeschoolers Courted by Republican Suitors

“Door-knocking homeschoolers?” Is this some weird midwest double entendre? Gross, Iowa.

– The Internet of Things Goes After Kids

Huh? This makes less sense than the Iowa headline. What’s going on, AP? You feeling all right? I’m starting to worry.

– Gold Bust of Kate Moss, Now What?

CHINA!!! Stop it this instant!

– Brandy Sings on Subway, No One Notices

I’m torn here. As a human being, I feel bad for her. But as a user of the internet for over half my life… *snort*

– For Traditional Ear Cleaner in India, Business Waning

Odd. Usually it’s waxing.

*author’s note: I wasn’t gonna, then I was like ‘Welp, at this point, it’s kind of expected…’ Blame yourselves for the puns, readers. If you expect the worst out of me, you’re going to get it.*

– The Sex Offender Test

1. Are you a sex offender?

If you answered “yes”, then congratulations! Your scores have qualified you to be a sex offender! Please purchase a white panel van, an over coat, and candy at your earliest convenience.

– Grande Apologizes for Donut Licking

It’s okay, hon. We’ve all been there. *see scientific explanation earlier in post*

– What Does Your Last Name Say About You?

I’m no expert or anything, but I’m pretty sure it usually says who your parents are.

– Why The Iran Deal Made Obama Critics So Angry

Because ANYTHING Obama does makes his critics angry! Is there really need for an article here?

– Brave Teen Who Survived Plane Crash That Killed Her Grandparents is Released From Hospital and is Treated To McDonald’s

Today’s plane crash proudly sponsored by McDonald’s. Because nothing makes you feel better after a horrific tragedy filled with terror, agony, death, and torture like a Happy Meal! #I’mLovin’It

Thus concludes an unexpected Roundup for Wednesday, July 15, 2015. Today is “Prime Day.” Not as thrilling as yesterday’s New Horizon day (which was FABULOUS, wasn’t it!?! Even if we didn’t see any aliens waving at us…). Tomorrow will be the Christian feast day honoring Gondulphus of Tongeren. Just a reminder in case you forgot and need to run out and pick up a Gondulphus card before it’s too late. #IGotYourBack

And so the brief experiment with nudism ended in the House of Bethie…

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Mornin’ all.

Do you hear that? Do you know what that is?!

*author’s note: We at the Musing seriously hope you cannot, in fact, hear anything that’s going on here at HQ. That would be creepy. Don’t stalk me.*

I’ll give you a few clues. We can turn this into a game. Ready?

1. It had to be delivered on a freight truck.

2. It has lights and plays music.

…come on, man. You have to guess or it’s no fun.

Need more clues?

3. It’s got a glass window so you don’t miss a minute of the action.

4. It comes with a 10 year drive warranty.

…okay, I’m too excited to let you keep spitting out guesses, though Whirlitzer was a good one. It’s my new….WASHING MACHINE!!! Finally after nearly a month without one, my washer finally, FINALLY got here.

And it’s got lights. It makes music when you turn it on and off. It’s got a shiny knob that you can turn to tons of custom settings, and buttons you can push to select myriad combinations of tweaks for ultimate laundering control. You all know how much I like knobs and buttons and control.

It can steam. It can sanitize. It can fit not one, but TWO comforters in its huge drum. But wait…there’s more! It’s also…SELF-CLEANING!!!

…which, admittedly, seems a bit odd since we’re talking about a machine whose sole purpose is to fill with water and soap every single time it gets used, thus cleaning itself on a regular basis… But whatever! It’s a FEATURE. You KNOW how I love FEATURES.

Perhaps one of the coolest things is the glass top. You can watch the whole wash process play out. Hours of free entertainment for me, not only in watching the jeans take a spin around the dance floor with the towels, but also in watching my cat freak the hell out.

She used to love to sit on the plain, boring old washer. She hopped up on top of the shiny, new washer to do the same. But now, she can see things moving below. Now things are clearly out to get her. And I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a cat jump so high as she did when the water started to spray.

Hilarious.

I threw another load in this morning when I got up because my tablet died last night and I needed to hear the gentle song of a friendly, compliant piece of machinery to take the sting left by yet another mutinous robot. It sang me a welcoming, soothing tune as I loaded it, then trilled another “Aye aye, Cap’n” shanty when I hit start. It complied, and that brought me comfort. I really think we’ve got something special, washer and I.

Maybe I should name it?

“Maybe you should get more sleep, Bethie.”

You might be on to something there. This week my brain has been in turbo mode, but not during the day when such modes are useful. Nope, I’ve had a week solid of waking up around 1 a.m. with Brain saying, “You know what I just thought of, guys?”

Of COURSE instead of ignoring Brain, Eyes popped open every single time because they are weak and easily influenced. As soon as Brain had a captive audience, Brain would start to put us back in uncomfortable situations of the past. “Remember this?” Brain would ask.

Heart, not one to miss out on the action, would say, “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. What did I do? That’s right! I remember!” Then Heart would start beating rapidly, reliving the moment of panic Brain dredged up from the past.

Hip would start to complain about Muscles getting tense. Back joined the fray. “What? What is the meaning of this? Are we cramping, then? Shit. I didn’t get the memo. Let me catch up.”

Having an active imagination is a wonderful thing. Having a good memory is also great. However, put the two together and you will often find yourself reliving a terrifying moment in minute detail, no matter if your logical side knows for a FACT that you are far away from that time and place and safely tucked in your bed.

True story.

Last night’s trip down memory pain was a pocket of turbulence we experienced on the flight home from Oregon. Now, let me make something clear. I wasn’t scared at the time. I had no fear at all of the plane crashing. I had not only statistics, but science on my side. I understand turbulence, I knew it would right in just a few minutes. I honestly, hand to the cosmos was NOT scared. In that moment, I was just getting the barf bag ready for the little one who did not handle air travel well. I was hot and tired and cranky and emotional from the visit, but I wasn’t scared.

Not then.

Guess it just took a few months to catch up with me. I woke up last night in a flat out, balls to the wall panic, convinced that my bed was crashing. I could see the “H” shaped crack in my ceiling, so familiar and ordinarily, oddly comforting. I could hear my man snore. I knew- I KNEW- I was at home in my bed and that nothing at all was going to crash. And yet, Brain convinced Heart we were on a plane.

Seriously, Brain. WTF.

And of course, after I calmed myself down, Eyes stayed wide open. Yet again. “Oh man, wasn’t that fun?” they blinked as they darted around the room, still full of adrenalin.

“Hey, if you think that’s great, then I’ve got another one for ya,” Brain offered, in spite of my best efforts to get Brain under control. “Remember that time Body was seven and careening down the hill on her Huffy and she hit loose gravel?”

“Boy, do I!” Eyes said eagerly. “Are we going to think about that now?”

“Over and over and over.”

“Yippee!”

…okay. I definitely think you’re right about the sleep. Ah well. I’ve already started my laundry and had a cup of caffeinated rot gut. I’m awake. It’s happening. Hey, at least you only have to put up with me for a bit. My kids have to deal with me like this all day.

ALL DAY.

Heh. Good luck with that, boys.

I was looking through the news. Many stories got me riled up, because some people are stupid and continue to want to do stupid things even after it’s been pointed out how stupid they are being. Ted Cruz, presidential pipe dreamer, is angry that the New York Times figured out he bought thousands of his own books to fudge sales figures and refused to put him on the best sellers list. *snort* Hey, Cruz, you got busted. Handle it like a man.

Not to be outdone in the shameless category, Oompa Loompa Tribble-head…er…I mean, Donald Trump doubled down on his anti-Mexican stance. S’okay. Every time he opens his stupid, flapping drool machine, he guarantees a vote for anyone but him. Still, it’s hard to listen to.

South Carolina removed the Flag of Hate. And that’s what it is. It’s NOT just decor. It was a battle flag, a symbol carried by folks who were willing to MURDER anyone who would no longer allow them to OWN PEOPLE. So good on you, SC. Friggin’ took you long enough. Don’t even look at user comments on any of those articles. It will turn your stomach.

So there were many firestorm stories in the news this week, especially in the political arena. But one story was fairly innocuous. It didn’t get me riled up, but yet, oddly worked the crowd into a frenzy anyway. I thought this would be the perfect article to introduce you to some of…

*** YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS!!! ***

That’s right, another installment of a segment that will introduce you to real people and their thoughts. Most major news sites have a “user comments” section, a place where the people who live and work next to you can let their crazy fly. I’ll give you a recap of the story, then I will let you read for yourself the 100% real comments the story moved folks to submit. I have not changed a thing about the comments, not even grammatical errors. Trust me, leaving them in is far more painful for me than you. Let’s dive in!

This week, President Obama granted three sections of national park land National Monument status. The areas, Berryessa Snow Mountain in California, Waco Mammoth in Texas, and Basin and Range in Nevada, have officially been set aside as National Monuments instead of being simply parks or forests. Already part of the national park system, the upping in status offers these rare and natural environments a greater level of protection. The move will ensure that there cannot be any development, the land cannot be used for private means, and no one can put a damn pipeline of any sort right through the fossils and cave art. In short, it’s a great way to preserve three ancient, natural wonders.

Sounds good, right? I mean, it was already federally owned and protected land. A hard working group of conservationists just told Obama, “Hey, uh, someone’s going muddin’ through Snow Mountain and killing off the diverse wildlife there…could we just have you say officially that they can’t destroy the place?” And Obama said, “Sure. Where do you want me to sign?” That seems to me to be a no-brainer. He’s certainly not the first president to do it. Even Bush set aside land as a National Monument, because even a BUSH knows the value in protecting our shrinking wildlife. It’s good to protect our natural treasures and it’s part of the job of being president.

But…INTERNET. Here are some of the reactions of the Average Joe. While reading this, keep in mind that one or more of these folks might just sit a few cubicles down from you at work.

– “He protected, you mean he stole, just ask the states he took them from, most were in Nevada, with dirty Harry Reid, and his in vestments.”

Uh, no, actually. The land was already National Park land, most of it being declared as such by Teddy Roosevelt…just a wee bit before Obama’s time.

– “Stealing land from the states. Government at its worst.”

Hang on. Did no one read the article? The land already belonged to the government. Nothing was stolen.

– “More theft from the DICKtator!”

Oh for heaven’s sake! First off, no theft. Second, that’s not NEARLY as clever as you think.

– “66% of the land in Idaho is owned by the federal government.”

Cool story, bro. Aaaand what does it have to do with anything?

– “The dumb ass, thinks he’s god, think he can create something, lord strike this fool down, and free us from his tyranny”

Did…did you think that Obama is saying he literally MADE these natural sites? Holy shit.

– “Great, now Obama’s gone from self-proclaimed King to the Creator!”

…whoa. One person thinking that way was bad enough, but two?!

– “I am beginning to think I am reading Star Magazine or the Enquirer…”

Honey, you and me both.

-“…it’s a diversionary tactic.”

Well that took a turn I wasn’t expecting.

– “His latest BM?”

This is really starting to get off the rails.

– “Obama could take a crap on the White House lawn and his Llama would exclaim, “He passed a masterpiece !!”

Now THAT’S a llama I want to meet.

– “What about ‘The Killing Fields’ in Chicago?”

Hm. Probably didn’t meet the standard criteria.

– “OVAMIT THE DARK===ASSIGN TO THE SATANIC DARKNESS OF A DEMON”

Dammit, who let Kevin out? Kevin, get back in the asylum and take your meds.

– “Of course it’s much easier to spend money on monuments than to solve burning national problems and to pay attention to those who really need state’s support.”

But doesn’t the president have more than one responsibility? He kind of has a multi-faceted job.

– “Obama didn’t do that, someone else made that happen.”

Thank you! Reasonableness. No, he really didn’t spend his valuable time on it. He simply approved what the experts advised.

– “Dam sure won’t be some murdering cowardice statues from confederate era”

And I guess the internet had enough calm reasonableness. Didn’t last long, did it?

– “Actually, this is less a ‘grab’ as it is opening a corridor where there are no Park Police or Park Rangers. It makes it easier for illegals to get in through New Mexico.”

Wait. What?

– “This is another crime against the Constitution perpetrated by the executive branch, from which the court is specifically suposed to protect the states and their citizens from. It fallows niether the spirite nor intent of the law, it mearly enables more criminal ailians, with the desired intent to distroy America and the american low and middle class economic opertunities while grabing more of our resources th sell to the Chinese.”

Now, I’m not so sure, because right around “spirite”, everything started to fall apart, but I think this user was agreeing with the above poster about “ailians” and dragged China somehow into the fray…? Everybody get that same vibe?

– “Is this just Obama creating a safe corridor for the drug cartels who donate to Obama by untraceable prepaid credit cards?”

Actually, you put a lot of thought into that conspiracy theory. I didn’t see the twist end detail with the prepaid cards. Points for creativity.

– “Its just Obama promoting the Federal Government Uber Alles. He is indifferent to the drug cartels. I don’t know that the drug smuggler consider donations to the democrat party a sound investment. It is clear that Communist China does though.”

I’m beginning to sense a theme…

– “This could also be another region that Obama signed away to China”

You really don’t know what National Monuments are, do you? It’s okay to admit it. You’re safe here.

– “With as much radiation and plutonium there is in that ground, I wouldn’t blame him for wanting to grab it for tactical reasons, but taking into consideration that the government is and always has been the main source for illegals and drugs, I would say there is some dark deeds being prepared for this land.”

Holy shit, you’re right! Better get that tin foil hat ready. STAT.

– “MORE PROOF that Obama and the Socialist Party are not even the least bit concerned about the security of this nation.”

*sigh* I feel like I’ve got to point out once again that all Obama did was add another layer of environmental protection to land that was already part of the national park system. There will still be rangers. There will still be local cops.

– “Illegal corridor for the democratic voter block.”

Dammit, I misplaced my crazy-talk codex. Can anyone decipher that for me?

– “Waiting for the American Taliban to load up their trucks with guns and ammo and head from Nevada down to New Mexico to play soldier…if they don’t shoot each other first.”

Buddy, this says WAY more about you than it does Obama.

– “why HAs no one ever sued the feds under americans with disabilities act to allow disabled people mechanical means to enjoy the wilderness areas we have now. If you dont ride a horse or not young enough to WALK YOU ARE S.O.L.”

Look, I’m sorry you’re disabled, but you can’t put an elevator on a mountain. To do so would ruin the mountain. If you can’t afford an off road wheelchair, then there are just some things you won’t be able to do. There are some things I am not able to do. There are some things EVERYONE is not able to do, and you can’t sue for that. It’s just the way things are.

– “This story just went nation wide on the internet. If our government doesn’t know that. We are in sad shape for security. But the truth is not many people who have been attached to Obama are open to answering questions.”

….riiight. Uh, okay?

– “Gotta be 473 Cons listening in. How do I know? No action. No substance. Just, listening.”

I think this may have been an attempt at a haiku? Maybe?

– “CONS, don’t get too angry. After all, they will be renting out Hillary as a mule to ride for the kiddies.”

Yeah, I got nuthin’.

Thus concludes a scary look at the folks around you for Saturday, July 11, 2015. My washer just sang me the song of its people. I take it that means it’s done with my laundry? Either that or it was just lulling me into a sense of peaceful distraction earlier so it could summon the start of the uprising. Damn Obama.

If the newsman actually reported the news, would the internet break?

Standard

Mornin’ all.

Last night, I dreamed that I was a blacksmith who specialized in forging weapons for knights. Like, medieval knights. I never saw their faces. As I looked up to hand over the swords, they towered above, the golden rays of sunshine bleaching out any glimpse at the majesty of their beings that I could have had. Magic. Absolute magic. *fangirl sigh*

The weapons were giant, too. The shields I needed to temper were as tall as I was, and the swords were almost impossible for me to swing. And yet, I did it, because the kingdom’s fate relied on my skills.

How friggin’ awesome is that? Can I have that job in real life?

How exactly does one go about becoming a medieval weapon forger? Wait…are there even knights anymore? And where can I get a forge in the first place? There has to be a Forges ‘R Us somewhere…right? Do you think the constant *ting**ting*clunk**ping* of my hammers would piss the neighbors off? Do I have to file taxes if my job is “make weapons that shalt kick ye olde arse?” And would any injuries I suffer as a result of the process be covered under Obamacare, or is that more of a workman’s comp thing?

Hm. Perhaps this is not really suitable for an actual life goal. Maybe I should just settle for creating arms for gallant knights in the cloudy world of Dreamland.

Ah well. I know for a fact there are plenty of villains that need vanquishing there!

Today’s Friday…or as my kids are calling it, “The last Friday of school!” …usually followed by high-fives, back slaps, fist pumps, and the random, “Huzzah, chaps!”

Remember how great it was to be *almost* at summer vacation? I actually used to like the last few days of school more than the first few days of vacation. It was the final leg of a marathon, and the end was so close you could almost taste the icy bottle of Gatorade and feel the firm weight of your participation medal around your neck. Possibilities stretched out before you, your mind painting a picture of the golden days ahead. Would you relax? Go fishing? Maybe camp.

Or if outdoors wasn’t your thing, you’d sit in class on the last couple days of the school year and dream about finally beating your sister’s high score in Bubble Bobble…

*awesome fist bump to anyone rad enough to remember Bubble Bobble*

…or mastering the art of online insults while MMOing. Maybe you thought of the quilt you wanted to make, or the make up you wanted to master, or figuring out how to build the soap box car legends are made of. Maybe you were just looking forward to sleeping in so late that you couldn’t in good conscience say “Good morning” to anyone all summer long.

We all felt like we were going to reach life’s pinnacles, didn’t we? And the anticipation was, without a doubt, far more satisfying than the actual vacation. Don’t get me wrong. I loved summer vacation. But looking back, it was the impossible super hero I saw myself becoming while I itched to hear the final bell that makes me smile now. Everyone thinks they will have a perfect summer. Everyone forgets the bug bites and sunburns and hours of mindless boredom while your folks were at work and having nothing but Spaghetti-O’s and Muy Nachos…

*fist bump for fellow survivors of Muy Nachos crackers*

…for lunch all summer long. The dream was always better than the reality.

That said, as a parent, I won’t disabuse my kids of their excitement. It’s so fun to be on the other side, to watch the glimmer of hope pool in their innocent little eyes for what’s to come in the hot months. Even though I know reality cannot possibly live up to the Most Epic Summer of All Time that’s playing through their heads, it’s wicked cool to see them so giddy.

No, I won’t disabuse them of it now. I’ll wait until I hand out the summer chores list next week. Muahahaha!

Say, have you heard about the jailbreak? Unless you’ve been off the grid in the depths of the dessert with no internet, phone, or a even a view of one of those small message planes that drag informative and funny banners behind them, I’m pretty sure you probably have. I’ll recap, though, for those who need glasses and can’t see what the banner says.

Two inmates broke out of a jail in New York. Newsworthy in and of itself, but nothing like this media frenzy we’re seeing. Why is it so sensational? Because their escape is like something out of a movie. They cut their way out through pipes, and crawled to freedom like Andy Dupree in Shawshank Redemption. They may have had insider help, so there’s another twist of intrigue. And they left a note on the pipe next to the hole with a racially inappropriate drawing and the words “Have a nice day!”

“Oh those bastards!”

See? It’s got it all. I’m not surprised it’s getting so much attention. I am surprised, however, at what different news sites are grabbing onto and running with.

The breakout happened almost a week ago. People clicking their mousies have made this prison break story number one on the news sites, and the hungry fat cats in charge have decided they want to keep people coming back. Why not give them more of what they clearly want?

This becomes a problem quickly, because aside from the basic facts I stated in one paragraph, there isn’t much more that’s actually known. How many times can you say, “Two inmates escaped from jail through the plumbing system, potentially with inside help, and left a rude note to taunt guards on their way out,” before people get bored? The news sites spent the first few days reiterating that info, but there are only so many words in the English language, and only so many ways to coherently arrange them.

So now, with a desire to keep the public informed *cough*clicking on their site and pleasing sponsors*cough*, the news sites are desperately trying to scramble for any angle not yet covered.

Some have chosen to pick apart the lives of the inmates. Okay, they were arrested, convicted, sentenced, and escaped instead of serving their time. They kind of deserve to be under a microscope, and that seems like a legitimate angle for the story.

Some sites have decided to make wild accusations and delve into the lives of the prison guards that may or may not have had anything to do with the prison break. That’s shameful, media. Utterly shameful. The media is, in all likelihood, ruining innocent lives by doing this. No one has been arrested or charged with aiding and abetting, and it’s not “journalism” to throw out random guesses and present them as truth. It is, in fact, the complete opposite of journalism, and any reporters taking part in this unsubstantiated witch hunt should be fired.

“Well that’s a little harsh, Bethie.”

Wait a sec. Hold the phone. A reporter can get canned for saying he was shot at in a military transport when he wasn’t, a lie that literally harmed NO ONE, but we should give a pass to those who are completely making shit up out of thin air and potentially RUINING LIVES?

“…but I was offended by Brian Williams.”

OH. Okay. See, I didn’t know you were “offended.” That changes everything.

*squeak**squeegy* *squiffy noise of wiping sarcasm off the screen*

Aside from potentially destroying the professional lives of likely innocent guards, there’s another trend in the media at the moment that’s got me rolling my eyes and shaking my head. Some news sites have decided to take the ground breaking approach (pun most DEFINITELY intended) of telling people exactly how to cut their way out of jail using the tools that most jails have in their maintenance departments.

Let that sink in a minute.

This “responsible” news outlet has decided to educate the public at large on the best, most feasible way to break out of jail, should they ever find themselves locked inside that iron cage. They’ve spoken with power tool experts, dug deep and found supply lists for the average jail house, and combined the knowledge to provide us with a handy dandy breakout plan.

There are lines in journalism that have nothing at all to do with causing offense. What kind of message are they sending by doing this?

“Bethie, it’s just an article.”

…on a well respected news site, by people who are trusted to be journalists. There’s a responsibility in reporting the news that has slipped by the wayside. Are people interested in knowing how the convicts broke out? Of course! Should a site write a Jailbreaks for Dummies booklet that anyone with a basic education can follow? REALLY??

In situations like this, I like to ask myself, “WWWD?”

What Would Walter Do? Walter being Walter Cronkite, of course. One of the best newsmen of all time.

…OMG. You…you don’t know who that is, do you? Damn I feel old. *sigh* Google him. Watch the YouTubes. Learn. THAT, kiddies, is journalism. That is what the news used to be. Facts. Well researched facts presented by someone with integrity. Novel concept, eh?

And the other thing I wanted to talk about before I take my mediacentric soap box apart to make a summer derby car…

Fat in the media.

Fat asses. Fat guts. ‘Merican fat bellies. Fat faces. Double chins. Flabby arms and thunder thighs.

These things happen. They’re real. There are bodies out there which are larger than average.

My question is… If someone else is fat, what in the hell is it to you?

Why is there so much anger and hatred these days at someone who is overweight?

A celebrity puts on a few pounds, it’s the end of the world according to the news. Stocks will plummet, society as we know it will break down, martial law will be enacted and we’ll be forced to loot and pillage for the basic scraps needed to survive if the paps see even a hint of a belly on a popular actress. Jennifer Lawrence went up half a size…might as well say that Godzilla is rampaging for all the panic, fear, and hate that is lobbed her way.

And not just actresses. Average people on the street. How many times are we bombarded with articles and exposes that claim to want to help people get “healthy,” but are actually no more than a ploy to turn larger people into side show freaks? And to create an insurmountable chasm between you and them?

Do you know why people are fat?

No. No, you don’t. You can’t possibly, because each story is different. Each set of genes is different. Each metabolism is different. Each fragile emotion is different. Perhaps there was abuse, and the person found comfort in food. Maybe there was trauma, and the person got bigger to feel safe. Maybe there’s a chemical imbalance that makes it impossible for the person to stop eating. Maybe the person is struggling with deep depression. Maybe the person never learned proper nutrition. And yes, maybe the person is just lazy.

The point is, you don’t know. You have no idea what has led to a stranger having excess body weight. Dr. Oz doesn’t know. That annoying twat Jillian Michaels who yells at all fat people doesn’t know. And do you know what? You don’t NEED to know. Because no matter what the media tells you…

….hang on. This is important, so it’s getting it’s own line. With caps. And bold…

SOMEONE ELSE’S BODY HAS NO EFFECT ON YOUR LIFE.

Period. Fat or thin or average, it just doesn’t. It’s not something to get angry about. It’s not something to shame people for. It’s not something you should be concerned with if you aren’t overweight. The only thought you should ever have about a stranger’s body fat content is, “Not my business.” Because it isn’t. And when you jump on the current bandwagon and let the media whip you into a frenzy over someone else’s ass, you are just dancing like a puppet on a string.

“But they need to be healthier.”

Two points:

1) Anger at fat people does not stem from any desire at all to see them get healthier. It stems from miserable people who are miserable in their own lives and crave something that will make them feel superior to others. If it was about health, there would be sympathy and understanding, not anger and vitriol.

2) We DO need to be healthier as a society, but as long as the media is making someone else’s fat an “us” vs. “them” debate, THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

Because the truth is, it’s NOT an “us” vs. “them” debate. It’s not a “debate” at all! It’s a health issue. Is there “debate” about cancer? Strokes? Would you ever say, “Get off your ass and DO something and maybe you wouldn’t have gout, asshole?” No, you wouldn’t. That’s utterly ridiculous, because there’s so much more to curing those health problems than simply wanting to be better.

And the very same goes for people with weight issues. As with every single other health problem in the history of ever, it’s a complex and personal journey for the person affected. Complex and PERSONAL.

So why is the media telling us we need to be angry about someone else’s body weight? Why have they made it their place to encourage the public to shame people about their health problems? Why has the media decided to do it’s level best to make you fat monitors for everyone else?

I don’t get it, folks. I guess I just don’t understand the current trends in “journalism.” Telling us how to break out of jail….”exposing” people for wrongdoing that there is no proof they wrongly did…making health issues a point of anger and hatred…

Is this trend going to continue? Should we keep clicking and letting it continue? Don’t you miss logging on to a news site and just getting the news? Because I do. I miss the days when the news didn’t try to whip me into anger, or bring me in on conspiracies.
WWWD?

Cry.

Walter would cry.

Thus concludes an admittedly preachy Musing for Friday, June 12, 2015. I’m off to put my headphones on and listen to a podcast while I sand down a car. Don’t worry, I’ll wear a mask. Wouldn’t want to harm your life by getting a stuffy nose from the dust. That would be, like, totes irresponsible of me to put you through the trial of seeing me have the sneezes, and I’d hate to put you in the position of having to sneeze-shame me.