Another year without a nuclear meltdown has got to be making them rethink the calendars…

Standard

Mornin’ all.

We done went and had ourselves a bit of winter this week. It was sleeting so hard that when I got up the other day that it sounded like a pipe had broken. I had a momentary flashback to last years’ Pipes of Hell winter production before I got a grip and realized that it was a balmy 30 degrees, and the water was coming down from above, not up from below.

I took a look outside. A couple inches of snow, then ice pellets as far as the eye could see. What an awful mess! Fortunately for us, no one had anywhere they needed to go. Kids were home from school, man was home from work. There wasn’t a single reason any of us had to go out.

So of course we went out.

…what? Oh come on. It’s a New England tradition. The plows had already come through, so we weren’t clogging up the roads and getting in their way, and there was almost no traffic. As soon as you can, you get in your car and chug the mile to the local grocery store to make sure every other redneck congregated there still agrees with your assessment that winter is wicked fahkin’ shitty. It’s just what you do. I don’t make the rules, people.

Besides, we were low on milk. Not quite out, but low enough that the morning joe would be tan, not khaki. Couldn’t have that first world problem, now could I? I mean, I chipped a nail this week, too. There’s only so much one person can take.

We’re halfway through the kids’ holiday break. For the most part, it’s been pretty smooth. They needed to clean their rooms to make space for fresh inventory after Christmas. I remember when that meant they played with the rediscovered toys while I sat buried under the heaps of long forgotten treasures, desperately trying to throw out the crap that the kids only suddenly NEEDED because it was time for it to go.

Now, even the littlest pup is old enough to mostly guide himself in cleaning.

I’m not saying I don’t have a couple in the litter who show the same hoarding tendencies I possess. Sometimes I’ll catch the pup sneaking a broken toy under the bed. “What’s that?” I’ll say. “I can fix it,” he’ll protest. “Put it in the trash before you end up with an hour long TLC special,” I’ll tell him, carefully creasing my brow in practiced parental consternation.

Aside from cleaning, it’s been mellow and game-filled. They are my little flock of geeks and got some cool games for Christmas. And while they got out and played before the shit weather rolled in, I can’t say any of them seemed the least bit disappointed to discover that Mother Nature made sure their time was free for digital adventuring.

Pokemons explored caves. Isaacs were…bound? I’m sorry, I don’t really know how that game works. Brain puzzles were solved, and, if the excited tittering wafting from the teen lair was any indication, large battleships were thwarted.

Looks like they’ll have that same kind of morning again today, at least. It’s raining and the snow/ice is getting a fresh, glossy glaze. Hey, I suppose I can’t complain. I mean, it’s the first real sign of winter, and it’s almost 2016.

Can you believe it? Another year out. Pfft, just like that. Seems like I cracked open my free 2015 calendar the nuclear power plant sends to all the folks that live in the potential fallout zone just yesterday.

…true story. Got next year’s unusual bribe all ready to hang in the morning. If the plant ever blows, at least I’ll have the warm memories of all the free calendars they sent over the years to temper my anger at their incompetence and give me comfort. Well, the warm memories and the literal warmth of the radiation…

It’s that time of year again when we look back and reflect on the old shitstorm we’re leaving behind before our hungover asses wake up to the first misting sprays of the new one. Everyone’s recapping the year as only the internet can.

Most sites are linking their favorite lists by category. The news this year was, by and large, fairly bleak. I’m looking through these lists of murders and scandals and jihads and arrests and it’s depressing as hell. There was a link on MSN to the “20 Cutest Internet Cats of 2015.” I was thinking that would take the sting off the hell hole we’re in and clicked on it. True to their word, some of the kitties really did have squiffy wiffy faces. I was feeling more positive until I clicked on the last cat. The last cat on the list looked like Donald Trump.

Donald Trump is now ruining the palate-cleansing ability of internet kittehs. Screw you, Donald Trump. #generalmessageof2015

Then there are the usual lists of celebrity lives that ended in the course of the year. The entertainment sections have lists of actors and singers that shuffled off this mortal coil. The sports section listed “7 Sports Heroes You’ll Miss Next Year.” What a set up articles like that are. I didn’t even know these people existed until you told me, and then as soon as I find out about them, you tell me they died. I was in a world of blissful ignorance before. Any emptiness and loss I now feel for heroes I will never get to know is completely your fault, sports writers. Screw you, too.

Science and tech sections also have their loss articles, but no one reads them. I think that’s probably sadder than the fabricated depression from the sports writers. This keyboard I’m typing on could have been invented by someone who died this year, and I’ll never know. I mean, I *could* know, I guess. I just won’t.

Hey, at least I’m honest.

Aside from the news bits, many of the lists on the internet are sponsored. “Top 20 Hairstyles of 2015,” brought to you by Wen hair care. Just guessing here, but I think these styles are going to be held in place with Wen’s Dr. MacGuillicuddy Formula Super Shiny Impossible-to-Muss All Purpose Hair Shellac Elixir and Floor Polish. They’re also linking their least favorite lists. “Worst Hairstyles in 2015.” Looks like there are many folks out there who didn’t buy Wen. Tighten that shit up in 2016, folks. Just call Wen and ask for “magic hair beans.” They’ll know what you’re talking about.

Here’s a good one. “50 of the Best Cars of 2015.” How about, “80 Great Breakfasts to Start off the New Year.” This is one you cannot miss: “101 Life Hacks We Learned in 2015.”

It cracks me up when I see lists like this. 50 Best Cars…so, like…ALL the cars of 2015, then? I think they just try to one up each other. I think the folks at BuzzFeed brainstorm or interface or idea-share or whatever they call it to try and come up with a list that cannot be topped.

“Let’s see if we can think of a list that will dwarf all other lists,” some asshole in an ill-fitting plaid shirt says as he pushes thick-framed, lensless glasses up his nose.

Stanley gulps, though whether because of genuine panic or simply discomfort the starched bow tie pressing against his Adam’s apple creates is undetermined. “Dave,” he rasps. “You’re talking about…the Golden List.”

The group gasps as one, but Dave is undeterred. He holds up a perfectly manicured hand, mostly to flash the sweet 1986 Casio calculator watch he found at a yardsale that sometimes even works, and the group stills. “Yes.”

The one word gets the hipsters riled enough to forget their corporate catchphrases. “That’s fucking nuts!” someone shouts. “It’s a pipe dream, Dave!” says another.

“This is it,” Dave shouts above the din of the crowd. Everyone settles back down. “I said it in January and I meant it. This is OUR year. We’re not leaving this office until we finally do it. I want everyone to network and give each other input and no one is leaving until we come away with the Golden List.”

Stanley hitches up his high waisted acid washed jeans he’s totally wearing ironically, duh, and takes a deep breath. “You do know that’s the top, right? That’s the pinnacle. If we create the world’s most comprehensive list, it’s all downhill from there. We’ll never be able to beat it.”

Dave removes the annoying empty frames, stares long and hard at his expectant hispt-herd, and finally utters, “Then we go out in a blaze of glory, my friends. Who’s with me?”

50 cars. 80 breakfasts. 101 life hacks… I tried to do a Google search for “longest compilation lists,” “longest year end wrap up lists,” and “longest dumb lists of shit that happened in 2015,” but I simply confused the Google Overlords. They still think I want a list of armed conflicts near large rivers. Should make my autofill even more interesting next time.

Things happened this year. More things did not. We were great at realizing problems, but really shitty at fixing them. We’ve got to work on that in 2016. We’ve had some deaths, some more personal than others, and some births. Folks set records, smashed records, invented records, and some even recorded records, though they won’t just call them “records” anymore and that’s super annoying. There was a lot to 2015.

I look back on the news, the media, the trends and stories and pop culture ebbs and flows. What do I want to talk about in terms of the year we’re leaving behind? I have spent the year blogging. I got most of it out of my system when it happened. Something grabbed my attention, I hopped on and “Mornin’ all-ed”, and walked away feeling lighter and freer. I generally don’t need to recap, since it’s all archived and anyone is free to look back on their own if they want.

However, there is something nagging me that I need to get off my chest before I can move forward. Somehow I missed the news when it came out, and then it became awkward to talk about apropos of nothing. But that’s what year end round ups are for, right? It’s a time to have one last chance to air your grievances before you close the calendar, throw it away, and start fresh.

With that in mind, here’s Bethie’s Huge Annoyance of 2015. I’m not even going to try and compete for the Golden List award. It’s really simple. Just one thing.

This:

hoverboard

THIS IS NOT A HOVERBOARD!!! It doesn’t hover. It doesn’t even come CLOSE to hovering. It’s on GODDAMN WHEELS for crying out loud. It’s AT BEST a crooked skateboard. It’s not innovative. It’s not the “future”. It’s just a board with spinny wheels on it. WHEELS. No hovering capabilities whatsoever. The emperor is naked and it’s time someone stood up and said something.

STOP CALLING IT A FUCKING HOVERBOARD!!!!! GAAAHHH!!!!

*exhausted panting* *deep breath* *slicks back crazy wayward lock of hair* *clears throat*

There. NOW I’m ready for 2016.

Thus concludes the last Musing for 2015. I say this every year, and every year some dope ignores the good advice. If you want to usher in 2016 by getting utterly shit faced, cheers! Now, grab a couch. A floor. Be the huddled mass in the bathtub moaning all night. Whatever you do, DON’T DRIVE AFTER YOU DRINK!! Any is too many. I hope everyone gets to wake up tomorrow morning with a headache, cotton mouth, and a nagging suspicion that the lampshade and goat weren’t actually a dream…

Advertisements

Why are you looking at me like you have a secret plan?

Standard

Mornin’ all.

Smug kitty is sitting on top of my computer tower right now looking smug.

She got out last night. In a flash of black and speckled fur, she zipped through the legs of my youngest as he was coming in from a sword fight (LARPing has claimed yet another little geek) and took off under a small, latched fence that’s overgrown with vines and brambles.

After a lot of searching, she was found safely taunting us behind the glass window of Neighbor’s garage. She somehow found a way inside and thought us looking for her was highly amusing. We had to battle to get into the garage through more vines and more bramble, and then even MORE after I scruffed and lectured her and tried to get back out. Apparently Neighbor doesn’t use the garage.

Once inside, she knew she was in deep shit. She’s only gotten out a handful of times. Usually she’s panicked upon her return to the safe indoors and tends to be in defense mode. Not wanting her to lash out at the kids, or wanting them to give her positive reinforcement for her shenanigans, I instructed the boys to shun her. That’s when she knew what she did wasn’t funny.

Naughty kitty.

She got out as we were closing up shop for the evening, so once I got the littlest calmed down and washed up and reassured him again that it wasn’t his fault, we headed to bed. As soon as I sat down, she came meowling into the room looking sad and pathetic and apologetic. She hopped up onto my lap, pressed her face to my cheek, meowed again, and then curled up and started purring. How can you shun THAT? Dirty pool, kitty.

After I read for awhile, I clicked out the light and got comfy. She curled up at my feet. All was happy and well.

…until she decided to play the “So, you think you can actually move your feet around without consequence, do you?” game. My ankles are all scratched to hell this morning and she’s looking very proud of herself.

*gag* Ew! *spit**pleh*

“Coffee that bad today?”

No, actually. Teen Prime got it all set up for me and for once the coffee isn’t peeling the skin from the roof of my mouth. That’s not what’s gross. We ordered some car parts from a different supplier. It was our first time ordering through them, and they sent us a “first time buyer care package” that included some stickers and a little can of Jelly Belly jelly beans! Really cool. As any Jelly Belly eater knows, the beans are all kind of funky flavors and I just accidentally tasted mango.

MANGO.

“Uh, Bethie? Why are you eating jelly beans at 6:30 in the morning?”

Because I have scratched ankles from the cat and scratched arms from the brambles and the coffee’s sorta weak, if you want to know the truth, and the jelly beans were riiiight over there and they were calling to me and…

DON’T JUDGE ME.

I ate a banana, too. Like a real banana. That’s healthy. So the jelly beans were breakfast dessert.

No, wait! It was a super early brunch. You can eat anything you want as long as you call it “brunch,” right?

“I don’t think brunches have jelly beans.”

Hey, I don’t tell you not to slug down champagne mimosas and pretend it’s totally normal to get shitfaced by ten a.m. at YOUR brunch, do I?

“…on second thought, maybe I will put a bowl of jelly beans out at my next brunch. Seems so bright and festive!”

Exactly.

What should we talk about this morning? Oh, I know! The first republican debate was on last night.

“Boo.”

Not into politics this morning? Hm. Okay, then. I read this fascinating op. ed/sorta research piece on Queen Elizabeth I that hypothesized that she was…

“*hiss*”

…did you just HISS at me?

“That’s how strongly I feel about not sitting through your boring recap of a boring subject.”

BORING!!?? QE I was only one of THE most riveting and polarizing…

“…*dramatic snore*…*dramatic snore*…”

*grits teeth* Fine. What do YOU want to talk about today?

“Something fun. Something entertaining. Hey, maybe you could cue the go-go dancers and strike up the band…”

Hold the phone. Are you…are YOU instructing MY staff?!

“Well SOMEone has to make life interesting around here!”

…but…

…I…

*blink**blink*

Girls…get to go-going I suppose…? Let’s do the intro for a…

*** HEADLINE ROUNDUP!!! ***

…but don’t think you can do this all the time. I mean it! No more hijacking my Muse for your own purposes. And wipe that smug look off your face! I’ve dealt with enough smug, furry little creatures today!

“*salutes* Yes, ma’am!”

*defeated sigh*

Okay, so I guess we’re having ourselves a roundup whether I like it or not. I’ll be your amusement lackey and scour the internet news sites for headlines that are odd, misleading, poorly worded, or just strike my fancy. I’ll present them to you, uncut, unedited, and unfiltered, then share my reactions afterwards. Shall we begin?

…*whistles*…*picks lint off sweatshirt*…*taps fingers on desk*…

“Oh. You’re waiting for my permission?”

I mean, you did kinda take over…

“I know you’re being sarcastic, but I’m going to pretend I am in charge anyway. *clap clap* Begin!”

– This Software Checks if You’re Busy Before Interrupting You

OMG. PROTOCOL DROIDS ARE NOW REAL!?!

*C3PO fist bump*

– Why the Fugate Family Has Blue Skin

I’m not sure, but they should probably do their best to avoid Gargamel.

*Smurf fist smurf*

– Teen Subway Employees Thwart Would-be Robber By Ignoring Him

He had the weapon. He covered his beard with a plastic bag so no one would recognize him (no shit, he totally did that). He practiced his scary voice for hours in front of the mirror. The one thing he couldn’t prepare for, though, was the modern American teenager’s ability to ignore the world around them.

– Theater Attacker May Have Planned Explosion

After a couple weeks off, the No Shit Gazette is back in full swing.

– Top 10 Moments from Last Night’s Debate

Can we really…

“HEY! I said NO politics! Nice try, bucko. Move it along.”

*sigh*

– German Man Sets Record for Longest Birthday Ever

Uh, not sure how time works in Germany, but aren’t birthdays kind of capped at 24 hours?

– Neighbors Furious as Pilot Parks Cessna at Home

“I just bought my kid a Honda, and this asshole comes along and gives HIS family a damn plane. How in the hell am I supposed to compete with THAT??”

– A Mysteriously Disappearing Waterfall in Minnesota

Uh…aren’t they experiencing a drought right now? Do they not know what a “drought” is? Someone give Minnesota a dictionary.

– It’s Time to Start Liking Tom Cruise Again

You’re not the boss of me. I don’t hafta like him if I don’t wanna. He’s not my REAL dad. *sniff*

– What’s Really the Best Type of Yoga for You?

I’m personally a fan of “imaginary yoga”. Does imaginary wonders for my imagined health!

– Bus Carrying Special Needs Gets Stuck in Bronx Sinkhole

Now, if this was the age of my childhood, I’d insert a “short bus” joke here. As it is *not* the age of my childhood, and times have changed, I suppose I’ll just go with a brief quip on the Bronx so as not to stir up controversy. Hey, Bronx! What’s with the huge pot holes?

See? Political correctness can be funny, too. *crickets**crickets*

– Not All Netflix Workers Will Get ‘Unlimited Parental Leave’

Oh, so this is another benefit that only actual parents can use, eh? First “maternity leave” now this?! Pfft. SO unfair.

– As Temperatures Rise, Hikers Embrace a Grueling Ascent

Or, you know, they could wait for a cooler day. I mean, no one’s forcing them to be an idiot and climb a mountain in the “grueling” heat.

– Some Who Fled California Wildfires Find Their Home Destroyed

You mean THAT’S what fires do?

– NYPD Uses Clip of Man High on PCP to Illustrate Dangers of Synthetic Weed

Not unlike the time I taught my boys the dangers of misusing their pocket knives by showing them pictures of lepers. I tell you what, those boys are NEVER going to misuse their knives in Kalaupapa!

– Did Slavery Cause the Civil War? Many Americans Don’t Think So, Poll Shows

Fuckin’-A, people. Every state that seceded cited the new ban on slave owning as the main reason for secession. I don’t know what’s ambiguous there. Each and every state that submitted a letter of secession to the government did so because they were furious that outsiders were telling them they could no longer own people. End. Of. Debate.

– Psych Firm that Screens Baltimore Cops Under Review

Yeah, that’s prolly’ a good idea.

– US Teens Tune Into Online Friendships

OMG. Next you’ll be telling me that the young people also like to wear dungarees and eat those pizza pies!

– OKC Teacher Accused of Intoxication on Campus

Um, you’re probably not going to want to do body shots at the frat house if you’re a teacher. Seems like a bad career choice to me.

– Cape Cod Sharks: Scientist, Great Whites Continue to Patrol Coast for Data and Seals

How are the sharks ever supposed to finish their investigation of the seasonal migratory shift of harbor and short-eared seals in relation to the recent temperature fluctuations of coastal waters if the scientists keep devouring the seals in question? Friggin’ savages.

– Ancient Galaxy is Most Distant Ever Found

Fasle. Ancient Galaxy is Most Distant Ever OBSERVED BY HUMANS. If you’re going to try and report on legitimate science, then tighten it up, Space.com.

– NASA Totally Found an Alien Crab on Mars and Didn’t Tell Anybody

Like, legit. For realsies.

– Black Hat Researchers Hack Rifle For Fun

…you don’t get out much, do you, Black Hats?

– Meet the Man Struck By Lightning 7 Times

I’ll meet him, but I hope he’s not offended if I opt out of the hand-shaking…

– Bookstore Refunds Customers who Bought ‘Go Set A Watchman

Ugh. I hate every part of this. No funny comment, because insulting an author when you are supposed to be the first line of SUPPORT is not an amusing matter. I just couldn’t *not* share.

– Miss Piggy and Kermit Break Up Ahead of New Show

NOOOOO!!!! *sniff* Why are they consciously uncoupling muppets?! Piggy and Kermit 4LYFE!!!

– Child Camping In Yosemite National Park Contracts Plague

You might want to leave that tidbit out of the travel brochure…

– Alaska Woman in Good Condition After Bear Mauling

A bear was mauled, and of course the liberal press chooses to focus on the woman. Uh, feminazi much? #bearsmattertoo

– Warming Climate Leaves Alaskans with Fewer Walruses to Hunt

Is that really a negative? Really?

– Bikini Nuclear Refugees Seek US Aid to Leave Marshall Island

…too soon for a “that bikini was da bomb” joke? …Uh…let’s just forget I said that, k?

– Whale Lost in Buenos Aires Nears Ocean

How do you know it was lost? Maybe it was just on vacation. Why you gotta assume the worst, AP?

– Floyd Mayweather Takes a Jab at Ronda Rousey

Not the first lady he’s taken a jab at.

*drops mic*

*slides on sunglasses*

*moonwalks off stage*

Thus concludes a Roundup for Friday, August 7, 2015. I really needed a laugh today. Thanks for letting me giggle for a bit, even if you did kinda force me into it.

I hardly call a nose bump a fair trade in this situation…

Standard

Mornin’ all.

Who told me cats are fun? Because as I sit here brooding and sulking WAY too early over my morning cup-o’-swill, I’ve got a few choice words I’d like to say to the fella that convinced me to get a mewling, whining, sadistic little fur ball.

Since 3:30 this morning, she has been meowing her head off at me. If she was a dog, I’d think to myself, “Hm. She’s making so much racket that Timmy MUST have fallen in the well. I should get up and throw the kid a rope or some shit.”

She is not, however, a dog. I knew, folks. I *knew* there was absolutely nothing amiss. And yet, when she persisted, over and over and over and over and…

I got up. She jumped on the bed, then raced to the door. Perhaps I was wrong, I thought to myself as I donned my robe and grabbed my glasses. “Okay, kitty. I’m coming. Relax. What’s wrong?”

The beastie tore down the stairs and waited in the kitchen doorway, looking eager and anxious. I got down there as quick as I dared with my half-opened eyes and clumsy bed legs that only partly worked, expecting to see the worst.

As soon as I entered the kitchen and looked around, Demon Cat purred, gave me two leg brushes, and then promptly curled up in her current favorite box, closed her eyes, and pretended to go to sleep, a smug, self-satisfied look on her fuzzy little face.

She just wanted me to be up. There was nothing wrong. Not a damn thing had run afoul in the night. No Timmies were in any wells, and she didn’t even want to show off a mousey kill. She just wanted to rend asunder my peaceful slumber.

That bitch.

So now here I sit way too early, brooding and grumbling, sucking down a fairly tame cup of coffee flavored milk, when all I really want to be doing is sleeping. It was a good sleep, folks. One of those pleasant nights where you wake up here and there, glance at the clock, see that you’ve still got four more hours, and fall back asleep with that comforting high buzzing through you. It’s not even like she interrupted a nightmare night. Or a tossy-turny night of self-reproach and regrets.

It was a good sleep. And now it is gone. *sniff*

I could have used those Zs, too. I’ve been busier than a one-armed paper hanger in a…

“Bethie!”

…what?

“You can’t say things like that anymore. It’s insensitive.”

You’re kidding, right?

“It’s offensive.”

*rolly eyes* Fine. I’m too tired to argue so I’ll rephrase. I’ve been busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest who…

“NO!! That’s even worse!”

Hogwash. I’d argue that if I was a one-legged man, I’d definitely join an ass-kicking contest to prove…

“Do you want me to die from an apoplectic fit brought about by righteous indignation over here? You can’t use uni-limbed people as the butt of a joke.”

First: uni-limbed?

“Using the number one focuses on singularity, not inclusiveness.”

*blink**blink*…I…I can’t even…. *sigh* Second: it wasn’t a joke, it was an expression. Nobody was the butt of anything.

“Doesn’t matter. You can’t quantify your own mild discomforts with the struggles of the uni-limbed.”

*grinds teeth* O….kay. Let’s try this again. I’m busier than…than…a bee?

“DEAR LORD BETHIE!!! Don’t you know about the struggles bees are having now with colony collapse?? We’re going to starve within ten years and you use their plight for your comedic whims?! YOU MONSTER. Maybe YOU planted the fungus in the bee hives!”

*tic* *tic* *spasm*

I bought a few craft supplies the other day. The local cheap store was having a sale, and my youngest and I eagerly pawed through the carts to see if there was something we could find to break the hazy, humid malaise that clung to us that afternoon. Sadly, there was no glitter. But we did find some really cool neon gel pens. Score! And then in the bottom of the cart, we saw pipe cleaners.

Have you ever played with pipe cleaners? Who hasn’t, right? They used to be far more popular than they are now. When we were kids, it seemed like we had a never ending supply of the brightly colored fuzzy wires. Of course, we also had tons of pom poms to use with the pipe cleaners. To my chagrin, the sale cart contained no pom poms. Once home, we had to make do with buttons. Not the same, but still fun.

We took our bounty home and while the kiddo tested out the gel pens, I went to open the pipe cleaners and noticed that they are no longer called “pipe cleaners.” What are pipe cleaners now called, you ask?

Chenille stems.

CHENILLE. STEMS.

WHY?

“Because any reference to smoking or smoking related materials could lead to…”

Stop it. Just stop it right now. I guarantee that no kindergartener in the history of ever has thought, “Gee, these pipe cleaners sure are fun. Anyone got a light?”

Pipe cleaners have never been a gateway to anything. Your child did not become a stoner because he made a pipe cleaner and pom pom caterpillar in Miss Skidova’s class.

What’s happening to us, people? What are we even doing anymore?

We have to start drawing lines and stop being offended or scared by every little thing. Calling people racist words? Bad. Stereotypes? Bad. Sayings that put one group on a higher level than another? Unless the group is on a higher level because they build ladders, stair cases, or elevators, also bad.

But, there are really harmless things in the world that are only offensive and dangerous if you start out looking for them to be. If you look for something, you’ll find it. That’s the pisser in being human. We have imaginations that make our minds find proof of our beliefs instead of seeing the truth. We’re programmed to think we’re right, and to find evidence of our rightness so we can log on to the internet and show everyone just how right we are…no matter how wrong we might be.

Not a single one-armed, one-legged, ass kicking paper hanger ever got hooked on cigs because of pipe cleaners, so stop it. Stop looking for an excuse to be angry, folks. The world has enough shit in it without you trying to drum up more. You want to be angry? Get angry at real, tangible problems.

Like cats.

Grr.

Cats.

Thus concludes a Musing for Tuesday, July 21, 2015. If I’ve offended you with my offensive offense, I apologize. It’s not your fault I’m on edge. I’ve just been jonesin’ for a smoke since I made that pipe cleaner and button flower…