What we need here is a plan…

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*cringes at squeal of office chair’s rusty wheels*

*picks cobwebs off monitor*

*blows dust out of keyboard*

Mornin’ all.

My day started with a dead body.

My cat got another mouse. She’s a very good mouser, and for some reason, she’s had a ton of opportunity to hone her skills already this year. I don’t think mice have much of a feel for real estate. It’s all about location, location, location, and the mice in this housing development did not consider the fact that we have a cat, and our co-duplexer has three. There are four friggin’ cats in this one little building.

Mice. Not the brightest animals in the natural world.

Anyway, I came down the stairs and the mouse was placed at the bottom, right where I’d step on it if I wasn’t already cautious from the last time I stepped on a cold, dead mouse with my bare feet. Kitty the Ripper was sitting next to the door. See, she knows I throw the corpses outside. She sat there and gave me a look, daring me to try and toss the body of her victim into the overcrowded graveyard known as the Back Bushes.

It got intense for a minute there, I’m not going to lie. She looked very proud of herself, too…until my man walked over and picked her up, nullifying an entire night’s plan with one swoop.

Never brag until you’re sure a giant isn’t going to come along and put you in your place. Just a life lesson for ya.

It’s Halloween today, and for the first time in almost 20 years, I’m not taking anyone trick-or-treating. Little Pup decided he doesn’t want to do it anymore. He said, “You know what I’d like to do? I’d like to sit on the couch with my own sack of candy and not be competition for the little kids.” I made certain he was sure of this decision. Honestly, I think I wanted him to go last year far more than he wanted to.

No more trick-or-treaters. *sniff*

I’m thinking of getting a bunch of candy and stashing it around the house with riddles as clues that he’ll have to solve to get the bounty. I don’t know. Is that still childish? Will he feel like I’m still babying him? It’s hard for me to tell. I am extremely immature. Surely even the youngest in the group has clued into that fact by now and will expect nothing less. Hm. I’ll consider through the day.

Guess what finally happened to me? I got called to jury duty!

“Bethie, you sound excited.”

I am!

“But…it’s…jury duty.”

Look, I’m 39. I’ve never been called to jury duty before, and, frankly, I *am* excited! I am dying to know what it’s really like.

“It’s boring as shit. That’s what it’s like.”

Maybe. But even that’s a story, right?

The timing is putting a bit of a cramp on my jubilee, though. We have a clusterfuck in the bakery at the moment, and we’re losing a key member of our team the week before I head to the hallowed halls of justice. And it’s right before Thanksgiving, the number one busiest week for a bakery. Any other week of the year, I’d be crossing my fingers that I’d be picked for a full trial. I’d love to participate completely in the justice process, I really would.

Stop rolling your eyes. I’m not kidding. It’s one of the processes in this nation that makes us great, and I’d honestly like to be part of something so important. And I will, too. If I’m selected, I’ll do my best to give my full attention to the trial. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t torn by the pressures of the other parts of my life.

Speaking of the other parts of my life, at work the other day, this coworker was a total…

………

“…you okay, Bethie? Stroking out over there? Did the swill you call coffee finally get to you? Do I need to call someone?”

I just remembered I have a stalker. A work stalker, who reads this blog as a lurker. Hi, Lurker. I guess I can’t really shit talk the folks I work with if one of them is creeping.

See, I suck at self promotion. I mean, I’m utter SHIT at it. What I *should* do is tell all my coworkers about not only this blog, but my books, too. You know. Make some sales. I should hand out flyers. Or…business cards? Do people still use those?

Bah, you get the gist. I should be yappin’ my trap about all of it in an effort to create a movement. Or something.

I just want to keep work separate. Does that make sense? I want to be able to come onto the internet and blab and blah and bitch and moan and be as stupid and immature as I want and not see a knowing look in my coworkers’ eyes after I do so.

“Then maybe you should have written under a pseudonym.”

That would have taken a level of foresight that I just don’t possess. Look at my life. Does it seem like I have ever demonstrated the ability to apply careful consideration to anything?? HMMM?!?!?

Besides, I’m not ashamed of anything I write. I’m not. I just want to go to work and make cakes and be bossy in real life, and keep that separate from being on the internet, where I talk about making cakes and being bossy. Makes perfect sense to me.

Maybe I could talk about my coworkers in a way that won’t betray their identities? Let’s give it a go.

Yesterday at work, I was trying to…uh…get coworker X to learn to make…um…stuff…

Shit. This isn’t going to work, guys. It’s a small department. Anything I say would be enough info for the Lurker to put two and two together.

The thing is, this story is more about me than the coworker, really. Okay, I think I’ll just go with this.

Yesterday at work, I lost my patience. I’ll talk a big game and vent here, but in real life, I’ve gotten to where it’s actually quite difficult to get me truly angry. Raising a passel of kids will do that.

…well, that or break you. You either learn patience, or you go insane. Since I already was insane, I learned patience. I will let it all heap up on me and, for the most part, I take life’s shit in stride.

Once in awhile, though, the wrong personality comes along and just presses the right button. And that happened yesterday at work. I’m not at all happy about it. I generally keep my cool way past the point where everyone else has blown their tops.

It was excuses instead of acknowledgment. That’s what did it. I was attempting to show someone a task, they didn’t listen, then spent an hour asking me for instructions every step of the way…on a task they’d already done four times before. It’s not like I was showing this person something for the first time. They just didn’t pay attention, or didn’t care enough to try. The final straw was when I noticed they missed out on a crucial part and asked them if they had done it. “Yep,” they insisted.

“Nope” was the correct answer.

I prodded. “Are you sure?”

“Yep.”

I was looking at the thing that was not done. I said point blank, “So you put *blah* into the *yadda*?”

“Yes.”

I picked up the *blah* that was not, in fact, added to the *yadda*. Instead of a “Whoopsie, my b,” they actually said, “Oh, you didn’t say to put the *blah* into the *yadda*.”

That was it, folks. That was the point of Bethie getting legitimately pissed at a coworker. They had wasted not only their hour, but mine as well. And instead of just owning the mistake, tried to put it on me.

I. Hate. That.

Look, if you screw up, that’s called being human. EVERYONE DOES IT. Acknowledge the error, take responsibility, examine where you turned left instead of right, then do your best not to repeat the mistake. However, if you screw up and then blame someone else, that’s called being an asshole. If you don’t take the time to recognize where you’re screwing up, you will continue to screw up. You will continue to make the same mistakes over and over. You will not grow as a person. You will always be that coworker that pisses everyone else off.

I have today off. I am forming a plan for tomorrow. I have to adjust MY attitude now, because I am not at all happy that I got angry. That doesn’t do any good, either, especially since when I’m angry, I pretty much just shut down. I’m supposed to be teaching this person, and I can’t do that when I let my emotions get the best of me.

I’ve got to namaste the hell out of this shit.

So today when I clean the house, I need to decide how immature I’m being for Halloween shenanigans with the Little Pup, while simultaneously mulling over how I am going to go about being more mature at work tomorrow.

I had a dream about opening a specialty roast shop last night. Like, a store that just sells fancy meat roasts. Beef, pork, goose… My man was the delivery guy. We had a planning session on how to meet demand for Thanksgiving.

NO JOKE. Straight up, that was what I dreamt about last night. In painstaking detail.

Now, does this seem like the kind of mind that can balance these two conundrums in the same day?

Guess we’ll find out.

Thus concludes a musing for Halloween ’17. Everyone have a safe and happy holiday!

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Can’t we all just get along?

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Mornin’ all.

I’m in a weird mood this week.

Maybe it’s the weather. We finally got a couple autumny days, real pot roast and crochet-project stuff. I was just getting to enjoy fall when it done went an turned hot again. I’m sure I’ll look back on this in a few months when I’m shivering under four sweaters and two pairs of socks while the winter wind howls against my uninsulated walls and think myself foolish for actually wanting cooler weather. But right now, it’s very weird to be looking at the pretty foliage in a t-shirt and shorts.

Maybe it’s the week I just had at work that’s got me in a bizarre frame of mind. It wasn’t particularly trying or hard, but there was definitely an insidious vibe that has carried over. Yesterday I had to write “Jazzy-Wazzy” on a cake.

*decorator’s note: If you happen to be the person that ordered that particular cake, thanks for the business and I hope you liked it! *insert required corporate thumbs up and shiny toothed smile*

I just don’t know what caused the funky mood. But, I’mma run with it. Something happened this week that I hope flew under the radar. Now that it’s passed, I don’t risk accidentally making it a bigger thing by discussing it.

Did you know that on October 5, the “activist” group Focus on the Family promoted a national event? “Bring Your Bible To School Day.”

What an infuriating idea on every conceivable level.

Now, as you all know, I am not religious. I was as a child, then took a long journey of investigation and discovery as an adult until I felt comfortable admitting that I’m not religious. I’ll go one step further and say it so there’s zero ambiguity: I’m an atheist. I love studying religions, and have not found a single one that’s shown me evidence that it is correct and that any particular god exists.

That doesn’t mean I’m angry at any concept of god. That doesn’t mean I secretly work for satan…I don’t hold any belief that he’s real, either. I have read the Bible and Quran, looked at Greek and Roman mythologies, and am currently admittedly struggling to get a real understanding of the Bhagavad Gita (so far, this one’s the most difficult for me to understand…not the translation, but the actual MEANING. I think it’s either because it’s so old, or simply that it’s based in such a different culture and I’m just not picking up the proper context…still a neat read, though, even if I feel like I’m pinballing my way through it. Its garden of Eden story is so much more badass than the Christian version I’ve known since early childhood.). I’ve looked at the core tenets of the LDS, Watchtower, scientology, and many fascinating cults.

I mean it when I say I love studying religions.

I love the tales, but I don’t believe them. I haven’t found anything that provides actual provable facts. A book cannot prove itself. The words inside are not true simply because the book tells you they are. And real truth is evident and demonstrable regardless of feelings.

Does that mean I think there absolutely is no god?

No. Of course not. There very well could be a god. Or gods. Or a collective consciousness. Or a prime mover from another universe who sneezed and kicked off the big bang. Or any number of possibilities.

“Then you’re an agnostic, Bethie, not an atheist.”

All agnostics ARE atheists. The waters get muddied when you try and differentiate to save hurt feelings. An agnostic does not hold a belief in a god or gods. An atheist does not hold a belief in a god or gods. All “agnostics” are atheists.

“No, and atheist is against god.”

No. You’re wrong. An ANTItheist is against the concept of a god or gods. They assert that not only is there absolutely no god or gods, but the very idea that there could be is harmful and should be abolished.

IMO, it’s an equally wrong position to hold. An antitheist is also claiming to know something for certain that they cannot demonstrate or prove.

How did we get here? I don’t know. And I’m okay admitting that.

What I’m not comfortable saying is that because I don’t know, because I lack the knowledge and ability to sort through the evidence and come up with the right answer, it must have been a god. It would be dishonest of me to say, “I can’t think of the solution personally, so it MUST be something or someone supernatural.”

I don’t know. Not knowing leads to a desire TO know, a drive to continue to gather evidence and sort it out in the hopes that maybe one day, there will be a concrete answer. To investigate all possibilities instead of shutting the door before you even start. If that leads to a god in any sense of the word, awesome! We’ve got our answer and can proceed to figure out the next great question. If that leads to more natural origins, awesome! We’ve got our answer and can proceed to figure out the next great question.

Here’s the thing, guys: It’s okay to not know something.

I know it goes against our nature. We’re curious critters. It’s why we’re so advanced on the evolutionary path. The discomfort we feel at not knowing something is what drives us as a species to make ourselves better.

But it really is okay to admit when you don’t know something. I promise. In fact, that’s often the only honest answer. I don’t know. Feels icky at first, but not as icky as pretending to know and not actually working towards finding the real answer to the question.

Now that the scene has been set for ya, back to Bring Your Bible to School Day.

I heard about it in a YouTube ad, and was like, “No way that’s real.” I clicked the link knowing full well I’d be bombarded by targeted religious ads. I took the hit, folks. I did it for you.

The link brought me to a very professional website explaining all the ins and outs of the event. To be clear, Focus on the Family was not promoting kids who attend religious schools or private schools to bring their bibles into school. They were saying that ALL kids should bring their bibles to ALL schools, religious and secular alike. They encouraged the children to share their bibles during recess and before and after school. They had downloadable signs the kids could put up, promotional flyers they could fill in with details on where to meet that the children were encouraged to hang around the school. There were ideas for conversation starters that kids of all ages could use for their age group, all the way down to kindergarten. And since they know the line of legality in this situation is very thin, they also included the limit for children, teachers, and parents…what they can and cannot do by law.

I’m less concerned with “can and can’t” than I am with “should and shouldn’t.”

Look. I get that if you’re religious, if you truly hold your beliefs dear, you have a desire to share those beliefs with everyone. I get that you feel like you’ve got the answers, and you want everyone else to have the same answer. But public schools have been set up as secular institutions for a reason.

I flirted with the idea of changing the story slightly to highlight my point. I was going to say that Family First promoted a Bring Your Quran to School Day. But, I really do think more of you all than that. If you haven’t already drawn the lines between the two concepts, then this is probably not the blog for you.

I don’t want ANYONE pushing their religion on my child when I send him off to school. I want him to learn math and reading. I want him to learn about science, and the scientific method. I want him to learn to play his saxophone and have fun on the playground at recess.

If I wanted my child to learn about religion, I’d send him to a religious school. That’s my choice as his parent. Just as it may be your choice as a parent to teach Christianity to your child instead of the tenants of Islam. Or Buddhism. Or Hinduism. Or any of the other hundreds of religions that are currently practiced.

Or atheism.

I pay taxes. My neighbor pays taxes. We send our kids to the same public school. I know for a fact our religious beliefs are incredibly different. Do you think she wants my kid to say to hers that there is no proof for god?

We have a great public school system. Yes, it’s flawed. But it’s still great. And the thing that makes it great is that it’s a melting pot that is set up to respect a differentiation between secular learning and personal beliefs. It’s designed to allow everyone to have the opportunity to the same basic education regardless of their religion. Even in this tiny town of mine, children from at least four major religions attend the same elementary school; more if you actually break down the general label of Christianity to all the different sects represented by the student body. Why should the tax dollars of a Christian mean more than the tax dollars of a Jew?

I’m not even talking about the horror I personally feel at the thought of having a five year old child proselytize to other five year old children, as if any of them can actually know what they’re saying and the meaning behind the words they’ve been taught at that age. For me, on a personal level, that idea is repugnant. That’s the very foundation of indoctrination.

But even if you’re okay with talking your child into trying to convince other children your religion is correct, I know for a fact you’re NOT okay with the other children doing the same to yours. And that’s the line, folks. That line should be clear to everyone.

We send our kids to public school to learn secular subjects. We send our kids to the church of our choice, or, in my case, no church at all, to learn any spiritual subjects. And the moment you confuse the two, you’re in the wrong. If you don’t want a child trying to indoctrinate your kid into their “wrong” religion, then you can’t be okay with your child doing the same, no matter how right you feel your answers are.

Thus concludes a Musing for what was supposed to be a lovely day but has turned into a humid, cloudy, windstorm, October 8, 2017. I think I’ll take this odd mood around town and try to get pics of foliage before it all blows away.