Welcome! Just park your brooms in the corner…

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It was a dark and stormy morning, the kind of morning that brings with the rising sun not a sense of hope, but a hazy disquiet that nags and niggles at the…

“Oh HELL no, Bethie.”

…what?

“No scary stories. Not this year.”

But…but…it’s Halloween!!! Don’t you want to have the hairs on your neck stand on end all day?

“Absolutely not. You remember last year.”

…*sigh* Touche.

Okay, let’s reboot this quick little Musing then.

Mornin’, all, and Happy Halloween!

Instead of the standard rot gut to drink, there’s some witch’s brew (though, honestly, you won’t really be able to tell the difference between the two), and we’ve bypassed the day old pastries for some spooooooky cupcakes. Help yourself to the dish of candy corn that’ll sit out for the next two months before the cat knocks it over and I have to throw it all away.

So my kid says to me the other day, “You know, Ma, I think I’m going to go Trick-or-Treating after all.”

He wasn’t going to this year. I think he felt that he was too old. He was adamant about not going, too, until he came home from school the other day and threw a complete 180 my way. I know exactly what happened. He thought he was too old and cool, and then heard all his friends saying they’re still going out this year and was like “HUZZAH! I’m NOT too old! Free candy for me!”

He told me he wanted to go, and I took a deep breath, pasted on that fake Mum smile that hides the inner panic, and said, “Oh? So what were you thinking of being?” Inside I was BEGGING for him to say a wizard or the grim reaper or something I could whip together from all the older boys’ past costumes.

“I’m not sure. I’ll let you know.”

Now, my littlest pup is a difficult beastie sometimes. You can’t push him. The more you pressure him to make up his mind, the longer the mind-making-up process takes. I said, “Okay, here’s the deal. I have Sunday off. You need to let me know what you want to be soon so we can pull together a costume.”

Saturday night, he says, “I want to be a loader bot.”

You are scratching your head right now wondering “what in the hell?”, aren’t you? It’s a robot from a video game. Google “loader from Borderlands.” I’ll wait.

…*hold music* *tapping fingers* *quietly humming along*…

SEE?!! THAT is what he waited to tell me until Saturday night!!

Oh. Yeah. No problem. Let me just fire up the robot factory I’ve got in the basement…

*rolly eyes* Kids.

I did what any panicked Mum does. I got a bunch of cardboard, duct tape, and spray paint and made…well, something. It’s definitely a giant yellow roboteqsue costume. No one will get what he is supposed to be, but in all honesty, no one would have anyway, no matter how it ended up looking. It’s a very obscure character to choose, and even if the costume had come out spot on, the majority of folks would still be stumped.

Eh. He’s happy with it. And a bright yellow cardboard box will certainly meet the criteria for him to get free candy.

At work, the company changed up the music for the weekend. We’ve got that piped in crap that someone in corporate actually gets paid to put together. My inner teenager is so jealous that someone gets paid (probably very well) to make mixed tapes all day.

This weekend, the corporate DJ decided to play a collection of Halloweeny songs. This is fine if you are going grocery shopping. You’ll hear a couple of ditties, try to contain yourself so you don’t actually do the Monster Mash while ironically grabbing a box of instant mashed potatoes, and be on your way. It’s just peachy for the customers. The problem comes when you have to work there all day long and realize there really are only a “couple ditties” about Halloween at all, and you are stuck listening to five songs over and over and over.

Oh, five songs…and spooky sound effects. For some reason, DJ Fruitz ‘n Veg decided to include sound effect tracks from shows like The X-Files and The Twilight Zone, and I think the movie The Exorcist. Forget the Monster Mash/mashed potato mind screw. Icing a cake to sounds of possession will fuck your shit up.

Well played, DJ Froz’n Foodz. Well played.

It’s going to be weird at work, but not in my department. I can’t dress up because of “health code standards”. Gawd, board of health always ruins the fun, don’t they? I probably would have dressed up as Chef Boyardee or something that no one would have understood anyway.

You know. Because I’m a baker, not a chef. Get it? GET IT?!

Bet we’re going to have weirdos in, too. No judging. I like weirdos. Then I’m going to take my sorta-robot Trick-or-Treating for what seems like it might actually be the last year. Maybe I’ll convince the older kids to watch something scary with me so I don’t get a bit of sleep because I’m certain that a ghostie or ghoulie will nibble off my toe if it hangs out from under the blanket even by a millimeter because I’m a grown up and that’s how we do.

And then tomorrow everything changes. Tomorrow DJ Fresh Meatz will have replaced The X-Files sound track with Christmas tunes for the next two months. Every minute of every. Single. Working. Day.

“Bethie! I thought I said no scary stories!”

What can I say? Everyone needs a little horror on Halloween!

Thus concludes a quick Musing for Halloween ’16. Everyone be safe when out hooliganizing tonight!

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