Welcome! Just park your brooms in the corner…

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It was a dark and stormy morning, the kind of morning that brings with the rising sun not a sense of hope, but a hazy disquiet that nags and niggles at the…

“Oh HELL no, Bethie.”

…what?

“No scary stories. Not this year.”

But…but…it’s Halloween!!! Don’t you want to have the hairs on your neck stand on end all day?

“Absolutely not. You remember last year.”

…*sigh* Touche.

Okay, let’s reboot this quick little Musing then.

Mornin’, all, and Happy Halloween!

Instead of the standard rot gut to drink, there’s some witch’s brew (though, honestly, you won’t really be able to tell the difference between the two), and we’ve bypassed the day old pastries for some spooooooky cupcakes. Help yourself to the dish of candy corn that’ll sit out for the next two months before the cat knocks it over and I have to throw it all away.

So my kid says to me the other day, “You know, Ma, I think I’m going to go Trick-or-Treating after all.”

He wasn’t going to this year. I think he felt that he was too old. He was adamant about not going, too, until he came home from school the other day and threw a complete 180 my way. I know exactly what happened. He thought he was too old and cool, and then heard all his friends saying they’re still going out this year and was like “HUZZAH! I’m NOT too old! Free candy for me!”

He told me he wanted to go, and I took a deep breath, pasted on that fake Mum smile that hides the inner panic, and said, “Oh? So what were you thinking of being?” Inside I was BEGGING for him to say a wizard or the grim reaper or something I could whip together from all the older boys’ past costumes.

“I’m not sure. I’ll let you know.”

Now, my littlest pup is a difficult beastie sometimes. You can’t push him. The more you pressure him to make up his mind, the longer the mind-making-up process takes. I said, “Okay, here’s the deal. I have Sunday off. You need to let me know what you want to be soon so we can pull together a costume.”

Saturday night, he says, “I want to be a loader bot.”

You are scratching your head right now wondering “what in the hell?”, aren’t you? It’s a robot from a video game. Google “loader from Borderlands.” I’ll wait.

…*hold music* *tapping fingers* *quietly humming along*…

SEE?!! THAT is what he waited to tell me until Saturday night!!

Oh. Yeah. No problem. Let me just fire up the robot factory I’ve got in the basement…

*rolly eyes* Kids.

I did what any panicked Mum does. I got a bunch of cardboard, duct tape, and spray paint and made…well, something. It’s definitely a giant yellow roboteqsue costume. No one will get what he is supposed to be, but in all honesty, no one would have anyway, no matter how it ended up looking. It’s a very obscure character to choose, and even if the costume had come out spot on, the majority of folks would still be stumped.

Eh. He’s happy with it. And a bright yellow cardboard box will certainly meet the criteria for him to get free candy.

At work, the company changed up the music for the weekend. We’ve got that piped in crap that someone in corporate actually gets paid to put together. My inner teenager is so jealous that someone gets paid (probably very well) to make mixed tapes all day.

This weekend, the corporate DJ decided to play a collection of Halloweeny songs. This is fine if you are going grocery shopping. You’ll hear a couple of ditties, try to contain yourself so you don’t actually do the Monster Mash while ironically grabbing a box of instant mashed potatoes, and be on your way. It’s just peachy for the customers. The problem comes when you have to work there all day long and realize there really are only a “couple ditties” about Halloween at all, and you are stuck listening to five songs over and over and over.

Oh, five songs…and spooky sound effects. For some reason, DJ Fruitz ‘n Veg decided to include sound effect tracks from shows like The X-Files and The Twilight Zone, and I think the movie The Exorcist. Forget the Monster Mash/mashed potato mind screw. Icing a cake to sounds of possession will fuck your shit up.

Well played, DJ Froz’n Foodz. Well played.

It’s going to be weird at work, but not in my department. I can’t dress up because of “health code standards”. Gawd, board of health always ruins the fun, don’t they? I probably would have dressed up as Chef Boyardee or something that no one would have understood anyway.

You know. Because I’m a baker, not a chef. Get it? GET IT?!

Bet we’re going to have weirdos in, too. No judging. I like weirdos. Then I’m going to take my sorta-robot Trick-or-Treating for what seems like it might actually be the last year. Maybe I’ll convince the older kids to watch something scary with me so I don’t get a bit of sleep because I’m certain that a ghostie or ghoulie will nibble off my toe if it hangs out from under the blanket even by a millimeter because I’m a grown up and that’s how we do.

And then tomorrow everything changes. Tomorrow DJ Fresh Meatz will have replaced The X-Files sound track with Christmas tunes for the next two months. Every minute of every. Single. Working. Day.

“Bethie! I thought I said no scary stories!”

What can I say? Everyone needs a little horror on Halloween!

Thus concludes a quick Musing for Halloween ’16. Everyone be safe when out hooliganizing tonight!

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If he wasn’t paying attention, it might have actually worked…

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Mornin’ all.

You will not believe what happened in the bakery yesterday.

I witnessed a crime.

It unfolded before me in the middle of what was decidedly a slow and boring shift. Not many customers, not many cakes to make. The chatty bread man was on break, and the overall vibe in the department had settled into one of apathetic malaise.

And then it happened.

An old 70’s tv show theme song was playing on the piped in muzak. I was slathering Hershey’s chocolate whipped cream (YES that’s a thing. A glorious, wonderful thing.) on a dark chocolate cube cake, when a jangle of keys broke through the haze of monotony. I looked up, and that’s when I witnessed a felony.

Let me lay out the scene for you.

I work in the bakery of a grocery store. In front of my bakery is the produce department.

“I can’t tell if that’s irony or just a really bad design layout, Bethie.”

Mmm, I know. I struggle with that one, too. I think it’s just a “devil on one shoulder and angel on the other” situation. My company likes to really test peoples’ resolve. Set to 70’s tv theme show tunes, it’s pretty sadistic.

Just to the right of the bakery is the food court. The Incident took place kind of in the middle of all three, in a large open area where people often stand to decide just how badly they’re going to blow their diet for the day.

The perpetrator was a woman on a MartKart, one of those electric shopping cart scooters that annoyingly have the same “beep beep” back up warning as the timers on our ovens. Like I said, our company is run by sadists.

The victim is Nameless Man, but I believe through my powers of observation that he is either husband or boyfriend of the perp. He definitely knew her on some kind of intimate level, as his baiting had a very personal snark to it.

I said it was the jangling of keys which drew my attention. Now, I don’t know what happened before I looked up, but what I saw was the victim jangling his keys, and the perp driving away from him in my direction on the MartKart, i.e. weapon. Then it all happened so fast. In the blink of an eye, he barked something, she turned her head. He shook his head, she tried to ignore him and continue towards the bright and welcoming lights of the cake case. He hooted at her, turned around, and started walking away. He had the keys. Clearly he was the one in power, as there was no way she could get home if she didn’t follow. He was using his position of authority to control what the perp could have for snacks.

So, he kind of had it coming.

“Bethie! Are you victim blaming?”

Look, folks. I said we’re the devil on the shoulder, and in spite of the fact that I don’t believe in the devil, it’s an apt analogy. I have borne witness to many couples’ arguments over which one of them should definitely NOT be eating more cake. Sometimes it’s a fat issue. Sometimes it’s a diabetes issue. Sometimes it’s just a stuck up, self righteous, controlling douche issue.

The point is, I know when these types of arguments are going down. This was definitely one of those situations.

Now, maybe it’s not fair of me to give you a description of the sizes of the people involved, but it might just be pertinent for the jury. Helps establish motive and all.

The lady was, indeed, larger than average. Not obscenely large. Not TLC documentary large. Not even large enough for that to be the sole reason she was riding the MartKart. They were getting a prescription at the pharmacy, so I’m assuming she was injured or has an illness. The man was very fit, though, the type to call his sneakers “trainers” just to be a fucking tool. He had his keys on a lanyard, even though he had to be in his 40s, and he wore one of those sausage casing sweaters that make you wonder if he even owns a mirror.

“Bethie, it sounds to me like you ARE victim blaming.”

…yeah, okay. Maybe I’m not the most fair witness, here. I’m trying to give just the facts, but like I said, I’ve seen these arguments play out in front of me, and you know what it makes me want to do? It makes me want to give the person being berated and shamed a free cake to shove in the face of the condescending asswad that feels it’s perfectly acceptable to humiliate someone they love in public.

Fine, maybe they shouldn’t be reaching for cake. You know what? They’re an adult. And if you disagree with it, then you have a PRIVATE conversation where you aren’t making your loved one feel like the lowest pile of garbage because they want what almost EVERY OTHER PERSON wants in front of the public at large.

The things I have heard make my blood boil.

It’s the look on the faces of those getting shamed that really gets to me. I know what it feels like to be them in that moment, and it kills me not to rip into the one doing the shaming. I can’t. I CAN’T. I would lose my damn job SO fast.

The look. It’s the same for every single person, whether they’re told they can’t have it because of a fat ass or a bad blood sugar level or just because Twatty McGee is feeling extra churlish that day, the look is always the same. Hurt. Deep self loathing. Like they wish the floor would open up and swallow them whole.

If you have ever been in a store with someone who probably shouldn’t have a cupcake, and you told that person your opinion in public, you just kicked someone you love in the balls. They KNOW they shouldn’t have it, okay? They get it. They know. No one who is fat doesn’t know every moment of every day that they shouldn’t have a cupcake. They don’t need asshats in trainers and skin tight sweaters to shine a spotlight on the waistline they already loathe just in case someone in produce didn’t happen to notice the fat fuck contemplating one damn slice of cake.

GAH.

*deep breath*

Okay, so that’s what was going down.

MartKart lady had enough. She was facing my direction, and the look on her face changed from “abused puppy” to “NOT TODAY.” She stopped her cart, listened for the telltale squeak of “trainers” approaching behind her, then gunned the engine and whipped the vehicle around, honestly trying to run the man over.

Attempted homicide by MartKart.

…I mean, he easily sidestepped to avoid his own demise. It’s a fucking MartKart. You don’t have much of a chance of headon-ing a pedestrian at 2 mph. A slight shift to the left or right, and they’re in the clear. But she tried, folks, and it’s the intent that would get her locked up.

I must admit, when he started laughing at her, I rooted her on even more. She didn’t get him. Chased him up towards the registers, where I lost sight of her past the ridiculously tall chips and dip display. It’s all on camera, though. If anyone wants to look through the security footage, they could nail her. Lock her up. Put her away for years.

I’m really hoping they don’t. She staged a coup, folks. She drew a line in the sand so few people have the courage to actually draw. That was some straight up Norma Rae shit right there.

In an oddly related note, I cut my hair.

“Uh, how is that related in any way?”

Stick with me.

I cut my hair. Now, unless you are a stalker, chances are that statement is fairly meaningless. You don’t know how long it was before. I cut off over 30 inches, folks. Chopped that shit right down to about 3 inches in length. Think pixie haircut.

ALL GONE, BABY.

And it feels GREAT!

“WHY! Why would you cut off all that hair!?”

Because it’s just hair. It was long enough to stay wet under my work hat all through my shift. It was long enough to give me headaches by the end of the day. It was long enough to wrap around my face at night and flap in the breeze of the fan and feel like a million spiders crawling over my cheeks and eyelids and *shudder*… It was just time to go.

Have you ever had long hair, and then chopped it all off? It’s so very liberating! My head feels light and free and I haven’t once woken in a panic, convinced that the creepy crawlies of the world had staged their uprising.

Now I don’t have to put it up to wear my work hat. Now it dries before I head to work. Now it’s not a heavy, soggy, mess all day that mildews and prunes my scalp. Besides, I think it actually looks pretty cute. I’m old enough to have a decent chunk of gray mixed in with the dark brown, and that looks better short.

But, the biggest “why” is simply that I wanted to.

“Okay, well good on you for that, but how in the hell does this have anything to do with attempted homicide by MartKart?”

It’s more related to the instigator of the crime, the one trying to control the other.

So I lopped off the ‘do. Went to work. Aside from having to answer “why” to every single coworker I saw, you would not believe how many women were aghast. I had five people ask me if my husband was “okay” with it.

Four of them said their husbands would “kill” them if they chopped off their hair. One went into detail about why her husband likes long hair. Let’s just say, TMI.

Did my husband “let” me chop off my hair? This question pisses me off so much.

It’s 2016. FIVE women were honestly horrified that I might have offended my husband by cutting off MY hair!

Let that sink in. Think about what that really means about our “progressive” society.

These were strong women, too. Women in the workforce. Women who have their jobs and careers outside of the home. Two of them are the sole bread winners for their families, for gawd’s sake! These are not Stepford wives. And they were legitimately concerned that I’d just fucked up my marriage because I wanted to cut my hair.

In a relationship where the husband would be furious about a haircut, the problem is NOT with the hair. If you’re in a partnership where you need to ask permission before you decide how you want to look, then you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re a grown up. You get to decide who you are and what you do. Cut your hair. Eat that cake. And run ’em over with a MartKart if they deserve it.

…on second thought, maybe just “run ’em over with a MartKart’ metaphorically. Not, you know, actually commit a crime. That won’t end well for you.

Thus concludes a Musing for Wednesday, October 19, 2016. I’ve chatted too long and now I have to scramble to get ready in time. I don’t even have time to edit, so apologies if it’s a hot mess. I’m off to make more cakes and witness more spousal abuse. One of these days, I’m honestly just going to pie a twat in the face. Boy would that feel sooooo good.

Let’s hope ‘rude customer’ isn’t the theme of the weekend…

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Mornin’ all.

It’s been ages, and my typin’ fingers have been itchy for a workout. I’m struggling to get back into the work-during-school-year routine. It always feels like I’m rush rush rushing, with no time for chatting it up with pals.

…okay, that’s a bit of a cop out. I mean, I totally could have written something on my days off. But there was laundry to catch up on. Piles of it. Intimidating peaks and tors of sweaty socks and crusty drawers. Dishes and empty soda cans stacked on desks. Graffiti on the walls. A group of hobos were roosting under the dining room table. Don’t know when they arrived. There was too much recycling piled up making them a cozy hobo nook. If I hadn’t caught it when I did, they would have hibernated there all winter. And do you even know how little the dwarfs will do to keep a bathroom in order when Snow White has to be away decorating cakes?

Wait. Can I say that?

“Uh, no.”

I’m not trying to offend. I’m simply referencing a childrens’ story.

“Yeah, Bethie, but you picked one about seven men who were born with a congenital disorder that’s made them societal pariahs who use the naivete of an innocent abused runaway to essentially trap her in a different type of abusive household where she is suddenly solely responsible for the health, welfare, and cleanliness of seven grown ass men until a MILF roofies her, a prince gets a little rape-y, and she wakes up to find herself in a newly gilded cage surrounded by fame and paparazzi and pressure she never asked for…”

It’s a DISNEY movie! Surely I can reference a little kid movie without pissing off the internet, right?

“Have ya ever actually seen the internet?”

Fair enough. Not Snow White. Let’s air on the side of caution and say my days “off” have felt more Cinderella-ish.

“Oh, don’t EVEN get me started on Cinderella, Bethie!”

*hands up* OKAY!! I give up! No child movie references. Sheesh.

I was just meant that these days, I’m busier than a one-handed paper hanger.

“*gasp*”

I feel like a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest?

“STOP!”

Busier than a bee!

“Dude, not cool. You KNOW how upset I am over the declining population numbers of bees.”

GODDAMN YOU’RE TOUCHY! I’m a writer. I’m just trying to inject a little personality into the piece instead of saying “Sorry, was busy. Thnx.”

“Bethie, are you shaming the millennials with your use of text instead of proper wording?”

Oh piss off!! *sigh of exasperation*

So as I was saying, it’s been busy at the bakery. It should be the calm before the impending holiday storm, and would have been if our bagel maker hadn’t gone on a fateful test drive of a new motorcycle. She’s okay in the sense that she’s alive and overall well, but she wrecked the bike and her arm in one go. Here’s an industry insider pro tip: You cannot make bagels when you have a torn shoulder and a shattered elbow. Shhh…don’t let my competition know!

And this happened right after we finally got our manager back. You remember her…she’s the one that fell and broke her pelvis.

There’s an ominous feeling among those of us who have yet to be injured in the bakery, and the hubbub is that we’re cursed. I don’t like that kind of talk, mostly because I have NOT been injured yet and wish to keep it that way. I’m going to keep saying that curses are hogwash while I don my bubble wrap suit. Never hurts to hedge a bit, does it?

I was looking at the news today, and you know what I decided? It sucks balls. There is a lot of doom and gloom in the headlines, folks. And since we are members of the same wet rock, it’s good to know what’s happening. It’s not like we can, or even should, avoid learning about our world, no matter how shitty the news of the day might be.

But, I think we can also take a break from the naysayers for awhile and find things to laugh about, don’t you? Because no matter how shitty and bleak it seems, the coin always has another side. Sometimes it’s really good to flip it over and chuckle. My long time readers know what that means.

Cue the band and signal the dancers, because it’s time for a…

* * * HEADLINE ROUNDUP !!! * * *

That’s right, it’s a roundup. And why the hell not? I think we fully deserve one after dealing with the muck and yuck going on right now.

For those who don’t know, sometimes the internet news sites have headlines that are poorly worded. Sometimes they’re worded fine, but still dumb. Usually, though, they just give me a mental image I must share. I scour these sites and bring you the upper echelon of ridiculousness. As always, I present the headlines to you in their 100% natural form. I just add the snark.

Shall we begin?

– Woman Has Baby With Mother’s Womb; It’s ‘Science Fiction’

I’m going to have to disagree with the classification. I’d definitely put that in the ‘soap opera’ genre.

America’s Most Endangered Historical Places

At first I scoffed, then I actually took the time to read the article. Dude, did you know there’s only ONE Gettysburg left? Deforestation and urban sprawl have eradicated the other four score and nineteen of them. Sign the petition at change.org today to fund rehabilitation efforts before the same thing happens to the 23 Mt. Rushmores.

– Jamie Foxx Blasted By Chess Champion Garry Kasparov as Propagandist for Venezuelean President

I cannot think of a more random and unexpected headline. Why is a chess player coming out of the blue to blast a US actor about his stance on Venezuelean politics?? I love this so much.

– 80’s Pop Stars Then and Now

I clicked. *sniff* I clicked and now the memories of all the teen dream posters of my youth have been tainted by beer guts and bald spots. Screw you, MSN. *sniff*

– Barely Half of Illegal Border Crossers Caught

…you guess maybe, you think. If they got by you, you didn’t know it, right? So how can you possibly know how many you didn’t actually know about? I hate baiting articles like that that just muck up the issue.

– Conservative Hurricane Truthers Downplay Danger of Matthew

What the actual fuck. “Hurricane Truthers?” WHAT? Is this a thing? SERIOUSLY??!!!

– Conservative Hurricane Truthers Downplay Danger of Matthew

My gawd it IS a thing. These assholes are actually claiming that the pictures of the damage in Haiti are staged. That hundreds of people didn’t really die. That it’s all a government conspiracy to support the concept of global warming.

-Conservative Hurricane Truthers Downplay Danger of Matthew

One of the reasons listed is because the government controls the satellites that are giving info on the storm. Are you fucking KIDDING me?? Dude, no one’s stopping you from launching your own satellite. Chop chop. What are you waiting for?

-Conservative Hurricane Truthers Downplay Danger of Matthew

Like, I’m not even joking. I’m ANGRY now. Those irresponsible, dumb sons of…

“Remember what this is supposed to be about, Bethie. A break from all the doom and gloom and idiocy.”

*deep breath* *grumble*

“Come on. You can do it.”

You’re right. *calming mantra* *long sigh* Thanks. I’m better now.

– Two Hawkish Anti-immigration Groups Say Consulted By Trump

I was going to pick on the headline for being a travesty to grammar and common sense, but since the subject matter is Trump, the bungled mess seems oddly apropos.

– Damaged NJ Transit Train Removed from Station After Crash

They say that like there was ever anything else they were considering doing with a wrecked train. Now I have questions…

– Matthew Could Hit Florida Twice

LIES!! #chemtrails #newworldorder #harambewasaninsidejob;literally

– CEO of Backpage, Called ‘World’s Top Online Brothel’, Arrested on Pimping Charges

You mean the madam of a brothel could be considered a pimp? That seems like a stretch to me.

– Andrew Bieszard Claims God Sent Hurricane Matthew to Stop Orlando Pride

JUST HOW FAR UP DOES THE CONSPIRACY GO?!? #alltheway #secondamendment #flatearth

– Fake 8.4million Pound Painting Signals Highly Skilled Forger in Arts Market

Or maybe… Fake 8.4million Pound Painting Signals Highly UNskilled Appraisers in Art Market

– Hurricane Nicole A Little Stronger, Slows Down

Whoa. Nicole? Who’s this Nicole bitch? WHAT HAPPENED TO MATTHEW?? As soon as a little scrutiny is applied, they change tactics. #wakeupsheeple #area51 #molemenarereal

– Robert De Niro on Trump: I’d Like to Punch Him in the Face

Bethie on Robert De Niro: I’d Like to See Him Punch Trump in the Face

– What Happened to North Carolina?

Shit, I don’t know. I thought it was tossed on the foyer table? Everyone start checking under the couch cushions. I’m going to look in the jeans Uncle Sam was wearing last night. Let’s hope it didn’t go through the wash!

– Wet and Wild: New Jersey Teens Travel 1000 Miles for Matthew

Fucking. Dopes.

– Vegan Mom Faces Charges for Feeding Tot Only Fruit and Nuts

This one is interesting. Makes you wonder when the other side of the debate will hit and parents who only feed their kids junk food will be charged. I’m in no way pro vegan. I embrace the fact that I am designed to be omnivorous and love me some charred animal flesh. But, I’m also in no way pro junk food diet. It’ll be interesting to see how far this goes and what the result will lead to.

“Bethie? I thought we were making jokes, not social commentary?”

Oh. Right.

– Leaked Video Shows Donald Trump Making Lewd Comments About Women

If this news legitimately surprised you, then step right up, because I’ve got this fantastic bridge I’d like to sell you!

– Should Retailers Close for Thanksgiving?

Gee, let me think about that one. *rolly eyes*

– Curiosity Self-Portrait And Other Incredible Space Photos

Our robots take selfies. If this doesn’t prove that we’ve taken artificial intelligence too far, I don’t know what does.

– Feds Investigating Smoking Samsung Phone that Forced Plane Evacuation

Smoking on a plane? Oooh, Samsung such a badass.

– Saturday is ‘Observe the Moon Night’

I guess I didn’t get the memo because I showed up early to that party last night. Oops. Don’t I feel foolish.

– UK’s Chatty Fish to Be Recorded

“Put the batter down! I’ll talk! Please, for the love of god…I have a wife and sixty three children, mate!”

– Bees Taught to Pull String for Reward, Then Teach Other Bees

These experiments are more of a sociological study than anything else. Someone sat there looking at a bee and thought, “Say, I wonder if I could make this bee pull a string?” I’m personally very glad that dude is in a lab and not mixing in the general population. Really think about it. There is nothing at all in a bee’s normal course of life that would make a sane person believe it could pull a string. Wtf.

– Norway’s PM Caught Playing Pokemon Go In Parliament

BAHAHAHA!!!

– Creepy Clown Sightings Are a Nightmare for the World Clown Association

Holy shit, guys. They’ve got an association. They’re organized now. THIS is how society will end!

– Do Fish Flirt In Regional Accents?

SEE? Scientists are weirdos.

– Artist Recreates Childhood Toys Entirely Out of Clay

…why? I mean, just get the toys. You can find them on ebay. And you’re not breaking any copyright laws to do it.

– Body Positivity Has Hit the Mainstream. Now What?

Now we move on and actually start thinking about things that matter.

– Is Spencer Prat the Atest and Reatest Food Star to Emerge on YouTube?

What? Are you having a stroke, USA Today?

– Dad Pays $39 to Hold Baby After Birth

It’s almost as if there’s no oversight in our hospital system so they feel they can get away with taking advantage of people during an emotionally unstable period in their life or something. Huh.

– How to Eat Like A Nomad

…okay, I’m intrigued. I tried not to be, but come on! Admit it…you now have questions, too.

– ‘Honor Killings’ Outlawed, Even if Family Approves

It’s 2016 and this is an actual thing that JUST happened. Let that sink in for awhile. Holy. Shit.

– Did Fox Reporter Go Too Far?

Isn’t that pretty much a job requirement at Fox?

– Hurricane Matthew Threatening Some of South’s Most Storied Cities

Oh. My. Gawd. I just figured it out. Follow me on this. We know that our national landmarks are becoming endangered, right? Some of these landmarks are in the middle of cities. Have you ever wondered why? Hm. Maybe because someone is trying to take your focus away from the landmarks by building up a bustling city around them, aka govenrmentally constructed distractions. Ask yourself this: What are they trying to hide? What’s behind the smoke and mirrors of streets and buildings? They clearly don’t want you to find out, because as soon as it became obvious that those of us who want to know wouldn’t let the neon lights of civilization blind us to the truth, they engineered a “hurricane”- aka secret military swat team that will go in after the sheeple have evacuated and create “storm damage”- to wipe out these “historical places.” Follow the breadcrumbs, people. It all makes sense.

Illuminati CONFIRMED.

Thus concludes a Roundup for Saturday, October 8, 2016. Yesterday, I had a customer tell me that I was making the icing roses improperly, and that she would know because she has made “real cakes” her whole life. Folks, it took every ounce of personal restraint I had not to end up in this here Roundup with a headline like: The Customer May Not Always Be Right: Local Cake Decorator Shoves ‘Real’ Icing Rose Up Rude Customer’s Nose.

The weekend is just getting started. Check headlines on Monday. You never know.