The only tale of muffins on the internet that’s G-rated

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Mornin’ all.

Have you ever wondered why kitty kibble comes in various shapes?

We ran out of my cat’s food and couldn’t find her brand here in town. I’m hoping they didn’t discontinue it, because she’s kind of a picky asshole when it comes to food. A search of the stores in a bigger metropolis is required, but in the meantime, I had to get her a different brand to tide her over.

The food she normally eats has round kibble. That makes sense, seeing that cats don’t give one single damn about what shape their crunchy food is. However, this brand tries to entice cats to eat it with shapes that include fish, Xs, and cat heads.

Cat heads.

CAT HEADS.

Kitty is not amused.

If I can’t procure some quality kibble soon, that bitch gonna cut me. I already woke up to her standing on my chest and glaring. She’s one more bowl of sub par morsels away from whipping out a shiv. It’s gonna get real.

I’ll take my littlest up to the big city to do some errands today. He’s been feeling a tad insecure the past couple weeks, and I think he might need a little Mum time. He’s been fretting about my new job.

He shouldn’t fret, but, like me, he’s a natural worrier. I’m working in the bakery of a grocery store. “Mother’s hours.” The hiring manager actually called them that. I told her that term was more old fashioned than I would have expected in today’s modern working world (no, no…don’t worry. I wasn’t being an asshole. I already knew her, and the ‘interview’ was pretty much us shooting the shit). I mean, don’t you think that’s weird with all the careful wording corporations use today?

Before I could start my stint as the muffin man, I had to take what are called “CBTs”. Computer Based Training. You sit and watch little videos on the computer and take tests about what you’ve watched. Of course there were important ones, like food safety procedures and bakery equipment protocols. I didn’t mind sitting through those, because it’s been a whole lot of years since I’ve used professional equipment and I’ve really grown quite fond of my fingers. It might sound greedy, but I’d really like to keep them all.

So, some of the CBTs were absolutely necessary and very much appreciated. However, most of them were about the corporation, their mission statement, their history (complete with a peppering of dates that I thought at the time couldn’t possibly be all that important…you’ve seen enough sitcoms to know that they were. Glad I got three tries at taking the test for that one…), their view on team members, etc. The worst one was a fifteen minute narrated slide show of the friendly side of the company. It had pictures of various employees hard at work with big smiles on their faces while the narrator explained how important they are to the company. And it was filled with puns.

I had to sit through fifteen minutes of corporate puns.

I lived through them, though, and am now a bakery team member. I even have a baseball cap. And a slightly icing-covered name badge.

I’ve been an at home mum for a very long time. There’s a bit of a learning curve to life taking on a new job. I’m getting into the swing, slowly but surely, and it was very nice to cash a real paycheck. I like the work itself, the people so far have been very cool, and it’s a kitchen. No false modesty around this one, now. While my self esteem is lodged somewhere in the sewer in a lot of respects, I have always rocked a kitchen.

When I was a teen thinking about my future, I went to a culinary school for baking. I instantly loved being in a bakery. Then life happened, and kids started popping out like Pez. I’m not sorry for the unexpected veer my road took, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss being in a bakery.

It smells good, and in ways you wouldn’t expect. A bakery does not smell like sweets and treats most of the time. There’s an underlying scent, a mix of old yeast and apple donut filling that’s slightly off and disinfectant and hot ovens. It might sound off-putting, but something about all those scents coming together turns them into an olfactory symphony.

It sounds good. The clanking of the pot washer, the gentle swish of the dough hooks, the hum and buzz of the Hobarts. Oven timers beeping, the dough baller chugging, the clicking of the muffin scoop plopping batter into the pans. And the chatter of the bakers, louder than most of the departments so voices can be heard over the oddly soothing cacophony. It all combines to just feel so warm and welcoming.

“Um, Bethie? Are we going to wax eloquent all morning?”

Okay, okay. I get it. You came here for lighthearted banter, not a Creative Writing 101 assignment. I didn’t intend to blather on so much anyway. Believe it or not, I had a totally different agenda this morning.

*waves to the left* *motions to the right* *go go dancers take the stage* *the band starts up with a polka version of the catchy theme music*

You know what time it is! Say it with me!! It’s time for a….

* * * HEADLINE ROUNDUP ! ! ! * * *

Wow what an intro! Fantastyczny!!

It’s been awhile since we’ve poked fun at the news outlets. I thought what better way to spend my morning off than rounding up the headlines that jump out at me. Sometimes they’re silly, sometimes they’re stupid. Usually, though, they just put an image in my head I must share. As always, these headlines are real. Unless the robot uprising has happened at the news outlets, a real human thought them up. I gather them and present them to you, with jokes. Shall we begin?

– Gay Gun Group Believes Court Win Puts Homophobes on Notice

I took a lot of English courses, and I can honestly say I’m shocked that these words can be strung together in the same sentence like this.

– Clinton: Trump is “Not Qualified” To Be President

Wowie! What a scathing indictment that would have been a year and a half ago!

– Tiny, Red Crabs Invade California Beach

So, you know…wrap it up.

– Emancipation Proclamation: The 13th Amendment to Hit the Auction Block

There is a deep, meaningful, and timely metaphor somewhere in here. Unfortunately, I promised we’d just do jokes for this section. Sorry. Get deep on your own.

– Oklahoma Lawmakers OK Bill Criminalizing Performing Abortion

Does everybody but me have a goddamn time machine? Didn’t we settle this ages ago?!?

– ‘More Will Die’: The Ethics of Up-Close Tornado Chasing

The “ethics”? It’s not an ethical issue. It’s a stupidity issue. God modern society is frustrating sometimes. Can’t let a woman decide on her own whether or not to have a baby, but gotta raise a stink and fuss when grown idiots want to get personal video of a tornado. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?

“Ahem, Bethie?”

Oh. Right. Jokes. Sorry.

– Senate Approves $1.1B to Fight Zika Virus

Production Begins Immediately on Tiny Little Swords for the Battle

– Milwaukee Custard Shop Under Fire for English-Only Policy

I want to imagine the idea for this custard shop went something like this: Two upper middle class stoner kids were sitting around the in-ground pool one day eating the fancy desserts their mum ordered for a dinner party later. “Custards are mad sick, yo,” said one. “Aw hells to the YEAH,” said the other. “Dude, wouldn’t it be sweet to have a store of, like, all the custards?” “You’re a fucking genius, brah.” “But only for peeps who speak English.” “Totes.”

– Louisiana Lawmaker’s Stripper Weight ‘Joke’ Draws Rebukes

HOLD THE PHONE. Are you trying to tell me that a lawmaker joked about a stripper’s weight and people are upset by it?! Stunned. Absolutely gobsmacked.

– Congressman Wants to Strip IRS of ‘Guns and Badges’

Congress, the body that creates tax laws, wants to make it impossible for the body of government that enforces the tax laws to have enough clout to actually do the enforcing. … … …YAY!!! NO MORE TAXES!!!! Let’s have a ticker tape parade with our shredded W-2s!!

– Grammar Fail, Or Do Texas Republicans Believe Most Texans Are Gay?

Why must it be one or the other? Can’t they have poor grammar AND a shitty attitude? Come on, Reuters. Stop trying to fit them into one box. #IdiocySpansManyCategories

– Nearly 8 in 10 Public Pools Fail Routine Safety Inspections

Keep that in mind next time you send your kids off to steep in the town’s toilet.

– Grand Jury Finds Fault All Around In Plum Sex Scandal But Files No Charges

Plum…sex…scandal… It’s too early. I can’t even. Let’s just move on…

– Chinese Government-backed Social Media Users Flood Web

I can’t wait to read their completely honest and unbiased tweets.

– Boston Official Charged With Union-Related Extortion

The No Shit Gazette’s really pumping ’em out today, eh? *sorry, Bostonians. You know I love ya.*

– Open Your Door, By Knocking On it? This Device Can Do That

This has zero potential to end up in sitcom-level embarrassment.

– Harvard Engineers Have Designed a Soft, Wearable Robot

OH MY GOD SO CREEPY

– Scientists Have Found a Way to Make Wood Transparent

Holy shit! I wonder what they’re going to call it? I’m pretty good at naming things. Lemme give it a shot… Hm… Glasswood. Crystapine. NO! I got it! PLASTIC. Short, catchy, easy to say. I’m going to go trade mark that shit before someone else beats me to the punch.

– Google Patent Glues Pedestrians to Self-Driving Cars

…wut?

– Google Patent Glues Pedestrians to Self-Driving Cars

…nope. Doesn’t make any more sense the second time around.

– This Gloriously Disturbing BBC Tweet Has Created The Year’s Oddest Hashtag

#FishThatLiveUpBums Yep. I’d say that qualifies.

– SpaceX Appears to Be on Track for Mars by 2018, But Has Legal Hurdles to Clear

The Martian government is notoriously strict on travel visas. No one from earth has successfully passed the probing part of the physical exam. I wish SpaceX luck with this one.

– Dronebuster Will Let You Point and Shoot Command Hacks at Pesky Drones

*sniff* Stop. You had me at “dronebuster”. *sniff*

– Chinese Couple Spends Wedding Night Copying Constitution

Whoa sorry! Didn’t mean to take this post to the gutter. Should have put a NSFW warning before that steamy headline. I’ll be more vigilant in the future.

– You Can Now Throw Axes Around in London

Pip pip sign me up!

– Beer Mile Champ Getting Paid Big Bucks to Drink and Run

I believe the event will coincide with this year’s Darwin Awards.

– University Says Graduation Caps Cause ‘Avoidable Injury’

If you are a university that has such little confidence in your seniors’ ability to think for themselves that you issue warnings about damn hats, then I fully believe you have failed at your job and owe those seniors a refund.

– Couple Lives the Dream, Weds in Front of 700 Cats

Chin up! If they found each other in this crazy, mixed up world, there’s hope for you yet.

– What Does Trump Want in a VP?

My guess is a nice rack and a willingness to give him a “Bill Clinton” in the oval office.

– A Ban On Skinny Jeans?

Dear god YES. Thank you.

– Is This The World’s Most Instagrammed Coffee?

It makes me sad that there is actually someone out there who keeps track, but not quite as sad that THIS is what a respected news outlet feels is actually news.

– Images That Prove Photography Still Matters

I don’t think anyone ever said it didn’t matter. Feeling a little insecure, are we CNN?

– Did Coach Tell LeBron to Shut The F— Up?

Well someone’s gotta say it.

– Taiwan Installs 1st Woman President

“Installs?” What a weird way to put it. Unless…unless the robot apocalypse is upon us. *gasp* SO IT BEGINS.

– Since No One’s Buying Clothes, Here’s What the Stores Are Selling

My guess would be splatter guards for frying pans and copious amounts of sunscreen.

– Capt. Kirk Takes Command of Navy’s New $4B Destroyer

This is some straight up governmental fat cat bullshit! They should totally have followed the Wars model…cheaper, faster, lighter, and you get Han Solo! Plus, all the lower level officers wouldn’t constantly be dying. Just what are you trying to say with this type of statement, US Navy? HM?! STAR WARS IS SUPERIOR TO STAR TREK IN EVERY WAY.

– Trump: Clinton ‘Isn’t Qualified’ to be the President

Did…did Trump just do a “Nuh uh, YOU’RE the poopy head?” Oh fuck me. I can’t. I can’t have a president who can’t come up with a better zinger than “I’m rubber you’re glue.”

– Deep Sea Explorers Spot ‘Ghost Shark’

ZOMG. I call dibs on pitching “Ghost Shark” to Syfy for their next original movie.

– New Dinosaur Species Unveiled At Ottawa Museum

Shouldn’t that always be “old” dinosaur species unveiled?

– Blue Moon Rises Saturday- But it Won’t Be Blue

So…just the moon, then.

– Vietnam Frees Jailed Dissident Priest Ahead of Obama’s Visit

We used to do the same to our little sister five minutes before Mum was due home from work.

– Hubble Snaps a Fetching New Portrait of Mars

For the shoot, Mars wore a classic Bohemian number with just the most darling string of pearls. No wonder SapceX is so hot to “colonize”. Ooh la la.

– Feds: Failures Led to And Prolonged California Oil Spill

My tax dollars funded this investigation. *bangs head on desk*

– Evidence Scant California’s Licensed Illegal Immigrant Drivers Getting Insurance

In the country illegally? Cool. Become a licensed driver somehow? All good. But if they think they can get away without carrying full coverage THEY’VE CROSSED THE LINE.

– Evidence Scant California’s Licensed Illegal Immigrant Drivers Getting Insurance

…I’m just saying, it’s an odd straw that broke that camel’s back.

– Colo. Mom Arrested After Video of Child Abuse Posted Online

Whenever you find yourself cursing the internet and modern technology, just think about this story and know that kids are safer because fucking idiots have the tools to announce to the world they are, indeed, fucking idiots.

– Texan Arrested for 7th DWI After Crashing in Front of Police HQ

At least he saved them a trip. Silver lining?

– AI Will Condemn Humans to Life of Uselessness, Says Historian

False. AI will condemn humans to life of painful, meaningless servitude. It’ll still be a bleak existence, but I wouldn’t call it useless.

– Apple Supplier Hints at an All-glass iPhone

Damn it sheeple. Haven’t you figured out by now that they are just trying to come up with ways for your phone to break faster so you rush out and buy another? If Apple releases a glass iPhone and you buy it, I’m sorry, but we’re done. That’s my no give.

– Craigslist Ad Boasting ‘I Sell Weed’ Leads to Bust

Is there any other way that could have gone?

– Huge Peach, Scorned By Some, Plucked From Atlanta Skyline

I think we found the other party in the Plum sex scandal.

– Vodka Contains Fog Harvested From San Francisco Skies

Hipsters, put down that Pabst. You have a new god now.

– Atari is Developing ‘Centipede’ and ‘Missile Command’ Movies

Okay. I get the Missile Command. You can make a big back story and have explosions ‘n shit and it’ll be a fun couple hours. But Centipede? How in the HELL are they going to turn THAT into a movie?!

“Bethie, you’re going to pitch Ghost Shark to Syfy.”

…touche.

Thus concludes a Roundup for Saturday, May 21, 2016. I’m off to find some silly b-day wishes for my nephew then get my young pup on the move before the cat loses her shit completely.

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Stick a cork in it, I’m done.

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Mornin’ all.

Cyndi Lauper is on the radio right now and I’m jazzed. Why yes, I’d love to go forward all through the night with you, Cyndi. I thought you’d never ask.

Excellent morning tune. I hope the station keeps playing such good songs. I’ve got a sore tooth, a headache, and a whirly vortex of emotions. Folks, I hate to say it, but I think we’ve arrived at the PMS portion of the month.

Which reminds me…

I read two terms last week I had never heard before.

“Wow, Bethie. We’ve changed topics three times already and we’re still technically in the intro. Must be a good pot of turbo juice this morning.”

This coffee is in no way “good”. I think it growled when I went to sip it.

Besides, this is actually on topic. The two terms I read were “menstrual activist” and “free bleeding.”

Lemme guess…you groaned and rolled your eyes, then cringed, right? Because that’s totally how it played out for me, too. “Menstrual activist.” UGH. Why does everything need an activist?

Hang on. I do kind of get it. As a lady with functional, albeit infuriating at times, lady bits, periods carry a stigma…

*author’s note: Okay, please PLEASE tell me I’m not the one that really wanted an inappropriate “stigmata” joke there?? *crickets* *crickets* *sigh* You know, you used to be fun.*

…and a sort of shame around them. They’re messy. They’re often painful. They’re only ever a relief for all of five minutes when you start to panic and think maybe you counted wrong and know you don’t really want to buy diapers for another three years. If you leak in school, it’s worse than wearing a scarlet A on your t-shirt.

Actually, scratch that last one. That reference is so old that kids today probably wouldn’t know what that A meant.

ZOMG! Song change! I don’t wanna miss a thing, either, Steven Tyler!

Aerosmith. That’s what the kids will think the red A stands for. …right? The kiddies still listen to those nice Aerosmith boys, don’t they? No?

Bah fine. Forget the A t-shirt reference. We don’t need one anyway. The absolute truth of high school is that NOTHING is more embarrassing for a teenage girl than finding out she’s got a stain on her pants AFTER she gets home at the end of the day. Utter mortification.

So I get it. I get “menstrual activism.” It comes from a good place. But I swear that it would take everything inside me, every ounce of self control, every shred of reserve not to slap the ever lovin’ shit out of anyone who comes up to me and proclaims in anything other than a cynical, caustic, sarcastic way that they are a “menstrual activist.”

If you have ever, ever called yourself a “menstrual activist,” then you need to go to a nice, quiet place where you can be alone in peace until you get your shit sorted out. I mean it. No coming out of the room until you accept that you sounds like a self righteous twat and make an honest commitment to change. Think of this as the only friendly intervention you’ll get.

You can promote a healthier attitude towards periods without actually being a douche.

Themoreyouknow

Now the groaner: free bleeding.

It is horrifyingly exactly what it sounds like. There’s a “movement,” the activists call it, to not succumb to the mancentric society and it’s tampons, pads, and collection cups of oppression. The people who are part of this folly simply do not put any methods of absorption in their panties or up their leaky parts. They just ooze and seep “as nature intended”.

I went down a rabbit hole with this one, folks. I read the term in an article about the subject, and I honestly kept waiting for the punchline. Unless it’s a much more clever hoax than I thought the internet community was capable of pulling off, then it’s a real thing. There are women who blog about doing this, chronicling their monthly seeping and oozing across their respective cities. Stains on park benches. “Rude” comments from people who are clearly trying to keep them down.

The rallying cry of “tampons are a man’s way of making women rape themselves every month” is thrown out there quite a bit in various iterations. I haven’t looked, but I bet Etsy is full of buttons, pins, and homemade underwear with that saying on them, if you’re into that sort of thing. Or if you have a sister that really pissed you off, but you still feel obligated to get her a birthday present. Etsy’s great for passive aggressive gifting.

If only these free bleeding blogs were filled with just words, I could rage-read them, scoff, and then go on with my life knowing that even with all my faults, at least I’m not THAT lady. But it’s not just words, guys. There are pictures.

DON’T GOOGLE!!! I’m telling you as a warning, not a way of prompting further investigation. Photos of bloody trails down legs, marks on a park bench, bent over photos proudly displaying their personal Rorschach on the seat of their pants.

Look. I do not care if you want to end up regretting that new white leather couch for reasons other than the sudden realization that you are not, in fact, starring in an 80s hair band video. If you want to drip and blip through your home, go for it!

But when you’re in public, you need to follow one very simple rule, one that goes for women AND men:

When in public, it is one’s responsibility to contain anything that comes out of one’s body.

“But Bethie…”

NO. This is non-negotiable. Barring an accident, you have an outright obligation to society to keep your fluids from getting on anyone else. Period.

Woot! Daft Punk wants to be up all night and I’m down. Man I wish I had a disco ball. I’ve wanted one since I was a kid. It just seems like something I need to own in this life.

Some free bleeders use these things they call period pants. We’ve already established that free bleeders aren’t that creative. In keeping with that theme, the period pants are pretty much what they sound like. They’re undies with rags sewn into them.

Boy, they’ve really redesigned the wheel with that one. There’s no way that’s even close to just slapping a pad in there in the first place. Way to stick it to the man. You really showed him.

Is this not just the most eye-rolling, cringe-worthy, infuriating “cause” out there right now? HOW is this going to do ANYTHING for the movement? Hm? How is this going to help anyone? Isn’t this just going to confirm the negative stereotypes and stigmas and embarrassment and societal shame around periods?

Fucking idiots.

“Bethie!”

I’m tired of sugar coating it! If you are a free bleeder that feels the need to blog your monthly slime trail, fuck off and join a real cause, one that might actually do some good. Not wearing a fucking pad does NOTHING.

N O T H I N G.

“You okay over there?”

It’s a non-cause! A waste of time and pants! The ONLY statement you will make if you free bleed everywhere is that you absolutely do not care one single bit about other people! What does the period Rorschach on the seam of your pants say? It says you are a selfish asshole, that’s what!!!

IT’S NOT OPPRESSION IT’S ABSORPTION!!!

GAH.

*deep breath*

Phew. I’ve been holding that in all week. Feels good to let it out.

“The Promise” by When in Rome is playing. I don’t know who’s doing their morning line up, but they deserve a raise.

I think that’s a good exit song. I could tell you all about my new job, but I’ve spent the time rambling about the misguided saps who pissed me off this week. I can’t keep you hostage all day. I’ll just have to tell you all about it next time. It’ll be good. It involves antics, tomfoolery, and chocolate pudding that bounces like a tennis ball.

And no period talk. In the timely words of Michael Floraele, I promise.

Thus concludes a messy Muse for Thursday, May 12, 2016. I’m off to do some housework that I fell behind on this week. It’s a non-stop party around here.

If anything, Fred sat on a mammoth to mine the quarry.

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Mornin’ all.

I just read a statistic that makes me sad.

41% of adults in America believe human beings probably coexisted with dinosaurs.

“Um, Bethie? Are we just going to pretend it hasn’t been forever since you’ve posted?”

…is there a problem with that plan?

“I’d kind of like to know where you’ve been.”

Life was shit for awhile. I had my hands full. It’s hard to type when you’re sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for the other shoe to drop while simultaneously ducking a falling piano. But it’s getting better. I can juggle a few things at a time again. Eye of the storm and silver lining and yada yada…

FORGET THE CLICHES!!! DIDN’T YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID!? How can you possibly sit there so calm and collected when 41% of Americans believe human beings roamed the earth with dinosaurs? Nearly half! 14% believe we “definitely” did, while 27% think it was “probable.”

Nearly half of the adults in this country think the Flintstones was a history lesson .

I’m weeping into my coffee, folks, and not just because the miasma wafting off the top of this nasty brew makes it burn every time I inhale.

“Made your own coffee this morning, did you?”

Yep. If I go into convulsions, send help.

Gawd that stat is depressing. And I don’t just mean in a general “I fear for the future” kind of way. It’s a huge step backwards, and while there have been other leaps back in recent years, this one cuts deep.

As a kid, I loved dinosaurs. LOVED them. I had dino books, knew the stats of all the cool ones, had several dinosaur figurine sets. I had this really cool set of glow in the dark ones that I used to put under my sister’s blanket to scare her at night. They were pretty bitchin’.

You know what I never learned as a child of the 1980’s, with no access to the internet and the world of knowledge it could provide? I never once learned that dinosaurs roamed the earth with people. Didn’t happen. Not a single dino set came with cavemen. There were precisely zero cavemen pictured in the dinosaur books I read, and if you went to school and talked about dinosaurs, you were encouraged, not hushed up.

41%. Damn.

I was very lucky as a child to have academically-minded parents. Frequent readers of this blog might remember me mentioning a time or dozen that my mum was a librarian for most of my childhood. My dad was an engineer, but his degree was in geology with a side passion for paleontology. We grew up hearing about the geological history of the earth and what the changes did to the various incarnations of dominant organisms through the eras, and were always encouraged to learn more on our own.

I still have some of my dad’s fossils. There’s a huge one he chipped out himself when he was a young adult that he was so proud of. Wide and flat and kind of shaped like Kentucky, it was a section of a lake bottom that had fossilized through the eons, locking in dozens of small plants and animals that had settled into the mud upon death. I take that one out and look at it a lot. I rub my fingers over the biggest trilobite, the one that has some very inept chip marks from his untrained chisel in the rock around its base.

I can remember sitting with him at the dining room table before bed in my Underoos and robe listening to him point out the different species. I was probably six at the time. He had a magnifying glass and was carefully inspecting every inch of his prized treasure, even though he knew each millimeter of that chunk of geological history by heart. I remember it clear as day, the look on his face, his excitement at having that slice of the earth as fresh and sharp then as it was the day he found it.

And even then, I knew without question that humans didn’t live with any goddamn dinosaurs.

What happened, America? When did we get to this point where 41% of you refuse to grasp what a 6 year old with the attention of a tse tse fly knew to be fact?

You know the answer. I know the answer. Everyone knows the answer, even if they won’t say it. Religion. We’re in the grip of a blind religious fervor at the moment and people are froggy to get all het up about anything.

I never understood why science and religion can’t coexist, at least on some level. Take whatever religion you follow, whichever deity. Now, think of every new scientific discovery as proof that your Creator is even more clever than you imagined. Voila. Easy.

“That’s not how it works, Bethie.”

Why not?

No, I mean it. This is a serious question. Why doesn’t it work that way? Why is a new scientific discovery scary? Or a lie of the devil? Or inherently discordant with a singular creator?

The plain truth is that it’s not. Or, at the very least, it doesn’t have to be.

Is it a matter of fear? The discomfort the unknown brings? Or is it simply easier for people to cover their ears instead of learn, absorb, and adapt new information into their ethos?

Damned if I know. I’m just a blogger hopped up on too much caffeine trying to type through the spasms and twitches.

41%. *heavy sigh*

I suppose I should take comfort in that number. Could be worse, right? 41 is still less than half. And it’s bound to improve now that the dinosaur-denying Canadian has zero chance of being our next president. At least we won’t be led by someone whose father pretty much spearheaded the “dinosaurs are lies of Communists” movement. There is that.

Other odd beliefs that fly in the face of proven science are already waning in popularity. Less than a decade ago, 80% of Americans didn’t believe in global warming or climate change, even though it was demonstrably proven in their own lifetime. Now that number is only about 38%. That’s a huge shift in thinking in just a ten years.

Maybe in another ten years, we’ll be back to understanding that there’s no way Fred rode a diplodocus to mine in the quarry.

Imagine the progress we’ll be able to resume making then.

Thus concludes a quick Musing for Wednesday, May 4, 2016. I just want to take this opportunity to extend my sincere gratitude to Ted Cruz. By dropping out, he’s pretty much assured the nation of another 4 years with a democrat in office unless the Republicans have a magic rabbit in the hat. Thanks, Ted! I know you get a lot of heat for being the Zodiac killer with a face like a squished depressed muppet, but in my book right now, you’re okay.