Aren’t vacations supposed to be restful? I’m sure I saw that in the brochure…


Mornin’ all!

IT’S MARCH! And “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” is on the radio! And the snowstorm we were supposed to get only dropped a dusting before moving on! And this batch of coffee is actually GOOD!

And if that wasn’t enough positivity, I was sent a video of a goat eating peanut butter to start my morning. You ever have a great-uncle or hundred-year-old family friend that hangs out in the corner of gatherings gumming the same scoop of Marge’s potato salad for an hour? It was kind of like that. Only, you know, goat.

The teens are off vacation today. They go back to school and I’m doing cartwheels. Er, metaphoric ones, anyway. I used to be good at doing actual cartwheels, but that was *mumble*mutter* years ago. Now I just kind of hint at the joy one feels when one can legitimately pull off gymnastics maneuvers.

It’s been a week, my friends. What a long, long week.

I didn’t get my cover art done, but not because of progenal interference, like I had assumed. No, Fate conspired against my man and ruined four of his five days off. Well, Fate and a bit of our own shortsightedness.

You ever try to do something nice for a friend and it comes back to bite you in the ass tenfold? Yeah, it was one of those scenarios that took several days and a whole lotta dollars to fix.

“Bethie, no good deed goes unpunished.”

Ugh. I hate that expression, I really do.

“Dude, you JUST proved it.”

No, I proved that when you try to do something nice for an asshole, you end up the schmuck. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t still do good deeds or try to help others. It simply means that we should be a little better at spotting the potential twits in the fray. Perhaps I should develop an Application for Friendly Assistance:

1. What assistance do you require at this time?

2. Is this a problem of your own making through lack of foresight, irresponsibility, laziness, or poor self control?

3. Have you ever required this type of assistance from anyone before? If you answered “no,” congratulations! It seems that your life just had a hiccup and we’d be glad to help in any way possible! If you answered “yes,” please explain and continue to question 4.

4. When you required previous assistance, did you end up doing any of the following afterward?

– Screw over family _____

– Screw over friends _____

– Cause irrevocable damage to relationships with your thoughtlessness _____

– Burn bridges _____

– Close doors _____

If you answered “yes” to any of the situations in question 4, kindly piss off. If you answered “no,” please take a moment to consider why it is you need to ask for help from strangers if that’s really the case. Your mother wouldn’t answer her phone when you called HER for help. Don’t you think that just *might* have a little something to do with prior offenses? Put this application in the garbage and spend a little time seriously considering your life choices and the way you treat people.

Heh. What do you think people would say if I actually gave them this?

It’s not like we haven’t needed help ourselves. OH BOY have we, and we’ve been lucky enough to have people be able to bail us out of jams. That’s exactly why we keep trying. At one point, someone was there for us, and now it’s our turn to try and be there for someone else. We’ve just got to learn not to fall for the puppy dog eyes I suppose. I’m not sorry we helped the dude, just sorry he turned around and bit our hand once we fed him.

Ah well. Lesson learned. Time consumed. Cover art fell by the wayside.

…okay, I admit it. SOME of the time that I wasn’t working on cover art was spent playing that video game I mentioned last time we spoke. But only some. Much of the “free” time we were promised was spent outside in the cold at a gas station. And boy, was it cold.

Ah, but that was February, right? Now it’s March! I was jazzed for February, I really was. I thought, “There can’t possibly be a month worse than January.” Boy, was I wrong, eh? So far, March is vastly superior in every way. It’s starting out warmer, the snowfall is less, no rodents are running amok pretending to be meteorologists, and we get to booze it up instead of giving gooey lovey pink hearts.

“Uh, I don’t think it’s politically correct to talk about St. Patrick’s Day as a time to ‘booze it up’.”

Whoa. Who said I was referring to St. Patrick’s Day? March is Workplace Eye Wellness Month. If that’s not a reason to raise our glasses, I don’t know what is.

*pun fistbump*

“NO. You do NOT get to fistbump for puns this early in the morning.”

C’mon. Admit it. That was good.


…eh, fair enough I suppose. The fact remains, it wasn’t ME who linked drinking with the Irish. That was on you. Maybe you should think before you say things.


Since it’s a new month, Landlord called to see when she could come collect the rent. She called at a time we’ve told her is too late to reach us, and she said, “Call me back or text me.” As I’ve just mentioned, we’ve told her many times that’s too late at night to call. We close up shop early here, and we don’t answer calls past 7 pm. I think that’s reasonable. And hey, even if it’s not, it’s my house, ya know?

Remember when that mattered? Remember when people felt they had the right to say, “Please don’t call me between the hours of blah and blah blah,” and people totally respected that?

The “text me” thing, that just cracked me up. She called our land line, because that is the only phone we have.

“Aside from your cell, you mean.”

We don’t have a cell phone.

“I’m sorry, Bethie, my eyes must still be blurry from sleep. I thought you typed something about not having a cell phone.”

No, your eyes are fine, though it *is* Workplace Eye Wellness Month, so if you feel you need to get an exam, now’s the time to do it. I did say we don’t have a cell phone. Because we don’t. We have an old fashioned dumb phone, not one’a them new-fangled smart ones. Our set up is single function with absolutely no wifi and zero apps. It can’t take pictures. It can’t play music. The only text it can do is caller ID, and I only get a signal if I stay within 100 ft. of the base. It’s a phone, it’s just a phone, and it will only ever be a phone.

“I just…I don’t…”

Take a moment to process that bombshell. Absorb it. Remember childhood and embrace the past.

We’ve had cell phones before. When our son was sick, we used one my great sister in law got us since we were on the road between hospitals all the time. We didn’t have one before, she insisted it could be a lifeline, and it turned out she was right. There were times that having that was a fantastic lifeline. And then a friend gave us one awhile later when he decided we needed it. We did attempt to keep it up, but that didn’t last. See, we never used it, and more often than not it was forgotten in the key basket instead of coming with us when we left the house.

Why pay for something we don’t remember to use?

“But how can you function in the modern world without a cell phone?”
Easily, thanks!

In spite of what people have been brainwashed to believe these days, 99% of all phone calls do not need to reach me immediately. I do not need to be at everyone else’s beck and call. If you try to call to tell me about a neat chotchkie you found at a Goodwill, I promise the world will not crumble if I don’t answer.

Remember that idiot I mentioned at the beginning of this? He tried to get hold of us before everything went south about something completely unrelated to the impending shitstorm. He saw a car on Craigslist and was wondering what kind of mileage it got. No, he was not going to actually buy it. Dude has no money. He just got bored and was looking at cars and wanted to talk about them. We weren’t here, so he called again. And again. And again. SEVEN calls on our caller ID from him in the span of two hours. Seven. The only message he left was the last call, asking why it was we weren’t calling him back.

Now, I know that’s an extreme example. Extreme or not, it is more and more the prevailing opinion of those who have gotten way too used to instant access. They have a cell phone. They want to talk to us RIGHT FUCKING NOW, so we must be ready, willing, and able to assuage that particular compulsion.

We went grocery shopping and popped in another store, taking our time and generally farting around for a couple hours because it felt good to be out of the house. We weren’t here to get the calls, that’s why we didn’t call him back. And yet, he felt he somehow deserved an immediate answer. He felt that his stupid questions about cars (which could TOTALLY have be Googled, I might add) trumped whatever we happened to be doing right then.

“Drop everything and talk to me right now, and if you don’t, YOU’RE the asshole.” That’s the mentality. And while Tool up there takes it to the nth degree, it’s a common feeling among folks these days.

Landlord has the same mentality, even though she only called once. The confusion and annoyance was still there in her voice. No, we will NOT answer the phone just because you are too self-absorbed to have some consideration for a very reasonable request. Once again, I cannot text you because, as you have been told numerous times, I do not have a cell phone.

Ten bucks says that when I call her back later this morning, I’ll get attitude. Ten bucks says that she will say something passive-aggressive that infers that I’m trying to duck rent just because I didn’t drop everything and call her right back.

Don’t bet me. Really. You’ll lose. This isn’t my first time on this particular carousel and I know how this ride will end.

Look, it’s not anyone’s right to get hold of me whenever they feel like it. It shouldn’t be seen as my responsibility, either. I’m not saying people shouldn’t call. Call and give it a whirl! But just don’t get pissed if I don’t happen to have a free minute to catch up. It’s not personal, in any way. It’s called life, and sometimes mine won’t mesh with yours. Sometimes I can’t be here to take a call. That doesn’t mean that I should rush out and buy and instant communication device. That means I’ll get back to you when I’ve got a sec.

Just because folks have the ability to call someone at any given moment does not mean we should abandon common courtesy. Sometimes the old fashioned way of thinking IS right.

ZOMG. Did I just…did I just come around to seeing a hipster’s point of view on something? *gulps in fear*

“Chill, Bethie. You’re actually thinking like that. Hipsters just pretend to feel that way.”

*sigh of relief* Oh. Oh phew. For a moment there, I was really worried.

Anyway, that’s my babble for today. I think with the kiddies gone and the weather improving, I might just get the cover art banged out. Or perhaps I’ll work on that steampunk lamp I’ve been making from re-purposed found items.

“NOW you’re sounding like a hipster.”


Thus concludes the Morning Musing for Monday, March 2, 2015. Did you read that date? Because I’ll say it again. IT’S MARCH!! WOOT and SQUEE and YIPPA-DEE-DEE!!


One thought on “Aren’t vacations supposed to be restful? I’m sure I saw that in the brochure…

  1. You tell those inconsiderate jackanapes. And I don’t mean that as being saucy, or umm a mischievous child either. More like a monkey, an ugly one.

    Anyways, great read.

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