Step right up, folks, and no pushing…there’s plenty of junk to go around…


Mornin’ all.

What day is it? Yard sale day!

…or garage sale, or tag sale, or whatever colloquialism you say for the act of sticking your used shit on the lawn with a price you hope is low enough to entice complete strangers to buy it and take it off your hands.

I’m sucking down the coffee nice and early to get ready. We already got a bunch of stuff prepared yesterday, but it’s all in a heap in my dining room. I doubt it’ll walk itself out to the tables and tarps, though it would sell a whole lot faster if people saw it doing that. I want to be starting to set up at like 6.

*gasp* “Bethie! It’s Saturday! Are you psycho?”

Well, maybe but that’s neither here nor there. People around these parts take their yard saling very seriously. I HAVE to get my stuff out there early, or else I miss the first wave. Can’t have that, now. The first wave will still have money in their pockets and be hungry for a good bargain. If I am not ready to go early and don’t get set up till, say, 8 or 9, I’ll get the people who already bought one or two things and satisfied that beast within. Their wallets will be lighter, their trunks will be fuller, and their eyes will be far more critical.

We don’t want that.

We want the folks that MUST find a good bargain and find it NOW. It’s been a whole week since their last yard sale and they’re jonesin’ big time for a quirky lamp at a discount price, or a vintage Fisher Price weeble set with nearly all the pieces. You can’t just find those anywhere, ya know.

I’ve seen people wait to set their yard sales up until 10. Well, at that point, why bother? Sure, you might get the random straggler or two, especially if you have flashy stuff that catches the eye. But that’s about it. You sleep in on a yard sale day and you’re just going to be left with a pile of stuff, only now it’s all got stickers on it and will look even tackier in the heap in the dining room corner.

I had the boys help me find, clean, and price things. It’s always fun and tragic to break their little hearts the first time they help with a yard sale. We’ve had a couple, so the teen posse remembers what it’s like. The eight year old, though, had no idea. He believed his used set of cards would sell for “Maybe five bucks.” I said, “Hon, no. They don’t even sell for that brand new.” He said, “I know. I’ll put a sign on it that says ‘make an offer’.” He’s tenacious, I’ll give him that.

The older ones were using their mad computer skills to look up prices on some items. At first, I rolled my eyes and thought, “Whatever keeps them occupied…” But would you believe the little buggers actually saved my butt on two items we had no idea had actual value? We’ve got an old record player that my dad gave us years ago.

Hang on. Before you audiophiles out there have fits, I’ll correct myself so you don’t have to. It’s actually a turntable, not a record player. There.

It’s an old Marantz. I just thought it looked neat. I was going to put it out for like $20. Turns out they’re going on ebay for over $200. Guess that’s not going out for sale.

“Do it anyway, Bethie. A yard sale is for quick cash.”

Yeah, I know. And it IS bulky. But I just can’t take THAT much of a hit.


…OH. I get it. You’re one of the audiophiles I just offended, aren’t you? Nice try. Shove the money back in your pocket…the turntable’s off the table.

I’ve got a few bar mirrors that have got to go. My dad gave them to me when we moved in here. He collected for awhile and had some great ones. I’ve sold a couple in the past. They are great to attract attention. These are the two big ones, though. I’ve got some hefty prices on them, but they are still way below value. And I figure I’m going to be talked down on them anyway, so best to start high and get the conversation going. Anyone who collects bar mirrors would like them. We just put them up because Dad was going to pitch them in the trash.

Some jewelry. I’m not a huge jewelry person.

No wait. Scratch that. I AM a huge jewelry person, in that I love to sit and look at the sparklies. However, I don’t wear jewelry and it can go.

Video games. The stack of video games… A couple bucks a pop should help whittle that pile down.

Books. I’m a huge reader, and so is my husband. I started to go through our books to sell and got quickly overwhelmed. I set aside about a hundred to get rid of today, but really that was just from the stacks in one corner of our bedroom. I didn’t cross to the other heap. Or thin the bookcase in the living room. Or the one in the dining room. And let’s not even talk about the fact that I’ve filled an old empty console stereo case so full with books that we literally had to put a chair in front of the door to keep them from spilling out….

I say ten for a buck. I have the junk shop across the street to compete with on book prices. They sell them for 25 cents each, but give bulk discounts. How the hell do you think we’ve acquired so many?! We’ve got to undercut them today.

I’m getting rid of some exercise stuff.

“Oh, Bethie.”

Don’t give me that look. I know full well how cliche it is to have the fat girl sell off exercise equipment. But it did its job. I got the Gazelle thing to rehab my blown out knee, which it did, and the Wii fit set to help build my kid’s muscles up again after his stem cell transplant. Done and done, and both take up space. They gotta go.

I hope we make some cash. The boys have dreams of us making hundreds of dollars today. I tried to temper impending disappointment by letting them know we’ll be lucky to make $50. Still, I do like their zeal.

I also have to figure out real estate this week. We’re trying to catch up on bills and make a plan to get the hell outta here. We’re paying a whole lot of money to live in a crap house we won’t even own in the end. Might as well try and find one to make our own pile of crap. I found a property that actually fits our tiny budget and looks promising. Thing is, there are some snags.

Now, I am not trashing realtors. I know for a fact there are good ones out there. This lady we just contacted, though, is not one of those good realtors. There are two snags to this property, and she said we’d just have to do the leg work to see what we can figure out, but did such a bad job of explaining them that we’re scratching our heads. I don’t know if she realizes she works on commission or not…

I don’t really have the money to hire a realtor on our end to represent us, so I guess we’ve got to take the bull by the horns and work it out. I’ve got a dictionary and google. That’s a good start, right?

Man I love that place. It’s so attainable on one level. It fits our budget. In fact, we’d be paying $200 less a month for living expenses, including insurance and ridiculously high property tax. We’ve somehow hung on to this place for ten years. And the land is so nice. To me, we look like a good shot for the bank. Let’s hope they see it that way!

Ah well. That’s for Monday. Today, I just need to pimp our old junk.

Anyone out there who can’t live another second without a slightly warped pool stick, you know where to find me.

Thus concludes a junky Muse for Saturday, August 2, 2014. Off I go to make millions. Or at least dozens. Yeah, I suppose we should shoot for dozens…


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