Lions and ‘ginas and bears, oh my!

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Mornin’ everyone.

Is it bad that I’m hoping for rain today?

Don’t get me wrong, I love the perfect weather we’ve been having. It’s been in the high seventies to low eighties, dry, light breeze to keep it from feeling too hot, and a sky filled with happy little puff balls of clouds. When I say “perfect”, I mean it.

But that also means there’s a ton to get done outside. That means I don’t have an excuse to sit at my computer all day and pound the keys. I try. I try real hard. And then I catch sight of something outside and I can see the bushes that need trimming, or the cars that need work, or the lawn that’s already gotten to where it needs ANOTHER fricken’ mow… Mother Nature is giving me a guilt trip.

I’ve got auto paint freckles right now. They’re all up my arms. I tried a new technique on smoothing out paint drips yesterday that involved a razor blade and about two hours’ patience. It worked way better than I expected, but it shaves teeny tiny bits of paint off, which end up sticking to skin. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was because the paint hadn’t fully cured…whatever the reason, the bits would not wash off. They wouldn’t scrub off. The power washer didn’t touch them, and the only thing I can think of is paint thinner, which makes me break out in a rash. The paint is red, with a light metallic flake to it. I have speckled, glittery arms, and they’re just going to have to stay that way until the pieces finally rub off.

Is it bad that I kinda like them?

I’ve got to take a kid to a check-up tomorrow at a large hospital in the area. Maybe I’ll sit there and scratch at my arms the whole time just to freak the doctor out.

I was reading the news this morning. Seems we’ve got two cases of people going where they don’t belong. First, a tourist in a German town got himself stuck in some art. I’m sure you’ve figured out by now that if it’s a “tourist” that got stuck somewhere he didn’t belong, it was an American. So what was the sculpture, what was the grand work of art the man simply could not stop himself from climbing in to?

A vagina.

…whoa, chill. Not a REAL one. Sheesh. A giant carved rock vagina. Just sitting there, in the middle of the town.

Now, should he have climbed in it? No. Of course not. I mean, it’s art. You don’t climb on art. But, in his defense, it was art left outside, in the middle of a town, just sitting there.

And, you know, IT’S A TEN FOOT TALL VAGINA.

Who does that? Who looks at a giant slab of rock and says, “You know what? There’s a vagina trapped in there somewhere, and it’s up to me to let it out…” ?? I love art, all different kinds. I even like to try my hand at creating my own. And I’m not a prude. But a giant public vagina…uh…statue (?) is just plain weird.

And who lets it be on display in the middle of the town? Could you imagine that flying in any city here in the US? I wonder if they would let any body part statues be erected. Like a, oh, I dunno…penis. Is there a complimentary penile statue.

…stop groaning. I could not say “erect” without “penis” in this Musing. Face it, you’d be disappointed in me if I let that one slip by and you know it.

I want to see a giant elbow statue. Or jaw line. Not the whole thing, not like a Georgia O’Keeffe painting or anything. Just the part under the ear. Just that little bit. I mean, if we’re going to make statues of close up body parts, why not pick some boring ones?

Ah, there ya go. Ten bucks says the German artist who made the sculpture and the town that approved it for display are beside themselves that their little shock creation got international press. The only reason to display a ten foot tall vagina is for the hype, the reaction. It’s not even actually a very good statue. The carving is so-so, the overall look isn’t exactly interesting. It’s the most boring vagina statue I’ve ever seen. The ONLY thing it’s got going for it is that it’s a giant vagina standing in the middle of a town. It’s the idea that’s shocking, and that’s what the artist and the town board wanted.

When you look at it like that, the idiot did the town a favor by climbing into their most treasured gigantic body part. It is literally a tourist trap, just how the town and artist planned.

The other news tidbit was a story about a woman who sneaked into a lion enclosure at a zoo to feed them. She dressed herself all in brown, like lion-fur brown, and somehow got inside the display. She was unharmed, the workers removed her and took her photo and banned her for life. But, wanna know the scary part? This wasn’t the first time she’s done this. And there’s speculation that she may have done it in other zoos. And if that’s not enough to make you shake your head, she was feeding the lions cookies.

My god what’s wrong with people? Lions don’t eat cookies!! Sneaking in there, spoiling their dinner…SHE MUST BE STOPPED.

You know, I have mixed feelings about this. Either this lady needs serious mental help, or she just legitimately wants to be in the cage with lions.

“But Bethie! No one who is mentally fit and sound would actually want to be around dangerous creatures!”

Bullshit. There are thousands of morons who flirt with danger by playing with lethal animals. The only difference between this woman and Steve Irwin or Jack Hannah is that she doesn’t have a tv show. Maybe she’s like those tv show hosts, hm? Maybe the “molest nature for advertising dollars” culture has given her the impression that personally interacting with wild beasts is a good idea. Maybe she is crazy, but maybe she is just a product of modern culture.

And she’s not alone. Every year hundreds of people break into animal enclosures at zoos. It’s a global issue, too, so it’s not simply another case of entitled Americans. Sometimes the people are drunk and want to screw around with the monkeys. Sometimes they’re not drunk and want to cuddle the polar bears because they look so soft and fluffy-wuffy. Sometimes they do it on a dare. But often, the people who hop the fences and climb into the enclosures with what should be wild animals simply think they can help.

Let’s face it, zoos suck. Even if you like zoos, you have to admit that it’s got to be hard to be a wild animal stuck inside a 20×20 pen. I don’t see how anyone could argue that, even though there are plenty who will. The vast majority of people who climb into the animal enclosures at zoos are doing it to try and help the creatures they see as suffering.

Is that crazy? Really?

Misguided, sure. Impotent, definitely. The owners of the zoo are not suddenly going to say, “Gee, you know what, Fred? Maybe we shouldn’t take a creature that’s used to having a fifty square mile range to travel and stick him in a tiny box for the rest of his life. That hippie really made me think.” That is just not going to happen. But the intentions are to ease animal suffering.

Not crazy.

Not smart, either. There are ways to go about effecting change, and they don’t really involve handing out cookies to creatures with five inch fangs. I mean, sheesh, lady…LIONS. At least the dude who slithered through the stone vagina wasn’t really in any physical danger. If there weren’t cameras, he probably wouldn’t have gotten in any trouble, either. He could just say he was trying to become a “born again”.

*ducks rotten tomato*

Really? That’s where you’re drawing the bad joke line? *sigh* Fine. *grumble* I’m sorry for the pun so early in the morning.

You know what? Now that I’m thinking about it, I bet this woman really could help the lions. These beasts, these glorious wild cats have to live every aspect of their lives in forced opposition to their natural instincts. This woman wants to help? I say, let her! Don’t ban her from the zoo. Give her a key to the lion enclosure after hours and let her work her magic.

Why, I bet it’s been ages since those lions have had themselves a good hunt.

Thus concludes the Morning Musing for Tuesday, June 24, 2014. Boy that took an unexpectedly dark turn at the end there, eh? Maybe I’ll go write a short story where I kill some people off. Seems to me I’m in that kind of mood. Muahaha….

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